Harvey, But Not
by darveyscactus
Summary: Donna has decided to move on from Harvey once and for all and introduces a new boyfriend to her two sisters. Her sisters, however can't help but notice the similarities between Donna's new beau and her former boss causing them to wonder just how deep, and undetected, Donna's feelings for Harvey run.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N - well guys, I finally plucked up the courage to post my first Suits fic! Haven't written fics of any kind since 2012, so am a bit rusty - big thanks to Emily ( specter_paulsen) for agreeing to be my wonderful beta! 8b promises more insight into Donna's background and life outside the office, so I wanted to take some time and explore that before the show comes back. Although it may not seem like it from this chapter, there is plenty of Darvey angst, fights, and more to come ~**

Donna Roberta Paulsen did not pine after guys. It was one of her rules, one of the first she established, actually. It happened during her first semester of college. She met a guy, he was a bit older, he had a car, and they'd arrive arm in arm at the hottest parties on campus. All too quickly though, he got bored and moved on. It'd only been six weeks, but Donna fell hard, and spent the rest of that semester wishing he'd come back, and wondering what it was about her that made him leave in the first place.

And it made her feel like shit. She'd always been confident, always believed in herself and her abilities, and never needed someone else - especially not some throwaway college fling - to validate her. She hated how much she'd let this guy get to her. It took her nearly the entire spring semester to gain her confidence back as she dove headfirst into classes and extracurriculars that excited and motivated her. At the end of that first year, she washed her hands of the whole thing. If a guy didn't want her or couldn't commit, that was it for her - rip the bandaid off and start a new chapter. No tear stained pillow cases, no what ifs, no 1am phone calls, no wasted energy on someone who wasn't able to give her the same. Chin up, chest out; just like her mom always said.

There had been plenty of guys since, some more serious and significant than others and some she'd rather not remember, but for one reason or another, none of them stuck.

Her romantic past was a favorite topic with her sisters. They thought it was hilarious - always teasing her for not being able to keep a man, always asking about some guy she mentioned months prior, knowing full well that things had since ended. She put up with it though, because that's what sisters did, and she knew that in the times she'd really needed them they'd been there for her, no questions asked - like the time that they picked her up, trunk of the car loaded with cases of wine and whisked her away for a weekend in the Hamptons when she needed to forget just where Stephen Huntley's hands had been.

Her sisters knew about Harvey, too. They teased her that he was the longest "relationship" she'd ever had, despite her constant insistence that it wasn't like that. They liked Harvey, had even met him a couple of times. He had been Donna's +1 to both of their weddings, afterall.

She hadn't told her sisters everything, though. They didn't know she kissed him, didn't know he'd ended a relationship so she could keep her job at the firm - her job with him. They certainly didn't know about the other time 13 years ago; them knowing any of that would only add fuel to the fire Donna insisted wasn't there. They knew that Harvey was her person - her best friend - and that she'd do whatever necessary, be whatever he needed her to be to keep him in her life. She'd never admit it to him, but she needed him. She couldn't be Donna without Harvey. Her sisters knew all this and yet, they still thought the pair of them were two idiots in love; too stubborn and scared to admit their feelings to themselves - and each other.

Donna knew that she'd lied when she told him she didn't feel anything when she kissed him. She thought that Harvey knew this too, that Mike would at least clue him in, and in the days after he'd ended things with Paula she'd expected him to call her out on it. That's what they did. They could smell each other's bullshit from a mile away and called each other on it. But he never did.

She thought he'd ask her what she was thinking after they'd spent hours dancing cheek to cheek at Mike and Rachel's wedding. That's what he did when he couldn't read her facial expression - but the question never came.

Increasingly, she found herself lying awake in bed running through every interaction she'd had with Harvey that day at the office. Every joke, every heated conversation, every stolen glance. Wondering what he was really thinking when he made jokes about strawberries and whipped cream and pulling her pigtails, wondering if he'd always been so bad at apologies without her to guide him through the script.. Until one night, after a particularly unremarkable day, she came to the unwelcome realization that she was doing just what she promised her nineteen year old self she would never do. She was pining after a guy, and not just any guy; Harvey Specter. A guy she promised herself, and him, that she would put out of her mind thirteen years ago. She kissed him because she needed to know how she felt, hoping it'd force a reaction from him. They screamed at each other in the lobby and then he ended things with Paula, which allowed her to hope things were about to change between them. But nope, they were back to normal - whatever normal was for them these days. This may be one of the few times in their lives where she couldn't pinpoint exactly what Harvey was thinking, but she sure as hell knew he wasn't thinking about her half as often as she was thinking about him. And she couldn't have that. It was time to rip the bandaid off the Harvey-sized bullet hole in her heart. No more pining; it was time to move on.

Donna's sisters were shocked when the guy she mentioned, James, at their monthly brunch the month before was still in the picture. Even more so when that was still the case the following month, and the month after that. The last time Donna mentioned a guy for this long it was Mark, and they all knew how that ended, twice. Even Mitchell was insignificant enough to only be mentioned in passing a handful of times. Her sisters were happy for her, but couldn't help but wait for the other shoe to drop.

The next time they met for brunch, four months after Donna first mentioned James, she did something that really surprised her sisters. They were so taken aback by what she said that they both just stared at her blankly.

"Did you hear me?" Donna asked.

"I…yeah, we did. Are you sure?" Asked Grace, the oldest of the trio.

"Yes!" Donna replied excitedly, " I want you both to come over for dinner next weekend and meet James"

After a quick, reassuring glance at Grace, Claire - the youngest of the three - replied "that sounds great Dee - can't wait!"

The following Saturday, Donna moved quickly around her apartment with final preparations for the evening. She assembled the drinks on the counter - scotch for James, white wine for Claire, and red for her and Grace. She was lighting the candles on the dining room table when she heard a knock on the the door. Moving to the entryway, she glanced at the clock in the hallway.

" _I said 7:30, not 7:15 Grace!"_ Silently cursing that Paulsen family punctuality they'd all inherited from their dad, but her older sister had never been able to shake.

Swinging open her front door with a sarcastic comment ready on the tip of her tongue, she let out a breath and smiled widely when the face that greeted her wasn't Grace, but James.

She gave him a hug and a quick kiss and he stepped over the threshold and closed the door behind him. She stood in front of him with her hand resting on his biceps just above his elbows, smiling up at him.

"You're early" she breathed.

"Well" leaning down to kiss her, "as I've been told _many_ times" winking at her before continuing, "Paulsen women are _never_ late. And I wanted to be able to do this before your sisters got here."

Before she could laugh or respond to his previous comment, he tightened his grip around her waist and took a step closer, bringing their bodies flush against one another. Softly backing her up against her front door he kissed her, more intently than their earlier two. Breathing him in, Donna opened her mouth to deepen the kiss. Her hands traveled up his arms and over his shoulders. One grabbing on to the lapel of his jacket, pulling him closer while the other moved up to the back of his neck, her fingers toying with his short hairs.

Knowing full well that her sisters would be there any minute, and that she'd never hear the end of it if they found her like this, she reluctantly broke the kiss. Still wrapped in his arms, she looked up at him and smiled.

"I missed you this week" she said as she took both his hands in hers and led him into the apartment.

It was true. James had been traveling for work all week and she hadn't seen him since the previous weekend. She was surprised at how much she'd missed his presence. They usually only saw each other one or two nights during a given week because of both of their late hours, but even still, she found herself missing their morning coffee dates at that place that was the perfect distance between both of their offices. She liked that he'd become significant enough to miss like that, but she liked it better now that he was back.

"I missed you too" he replied as he helped himself to a glass of scotch. "Luckily, I don't have anywhere to be until Monday morning, and can think of a couple ways I'd like to fill that time." He smiled at her as he leaned against the counter, facing her.

She met his gaze as she poured herself a glass of wine. "Oh" she quipped as she rested her elbows on the count counter opposite him. "Is that so?"

"Perhaps, but you'll just have to wait until this dinner is over to find out."

"Ah a man of mystery, I like it," she replied as she opened the refrigerator to retrieve the evening's snacks and appetizers. She handed him a platter of cheese and crackers and he wordlessly followed her into the living room.

"So" he said as they settled onto her couch, drinks in hand "am I meeting everyone tonight, or just the sisters?"

"Just Grace and Claire tonight" Donna replied, cuddling up to his side, enjoying the last couple minutes of alone time with him before her sisters arrived. "I figured it was better to ease you in rather than throw you to the wolves right away."

Donna hoped he wasn't able to pick up on the slight nervousness in her voice. She didn't mention it to him, but it was a big deal for one of her boyfriends to meet anyone in her family besides her sisters. She can't remember the last time that happened. Her sisters' husbands really were the brothers she'd never had - they were incredibly protective of her, something she appreciated in varying degrees, but she knew they only wanted her happy and looked after- something they made alarmingly clear when she had to talk both of them out of showing up at Stephen Huntley's door and beating the shit out of him.

A rapid knock on her door broke the comfortable silence between the two of them. Donna set her wine glass down on the coffee table and walked toward the noise.

She took a deep breath before she opened the door. " _Here goes nothing"_ she thought.

Conversation flowed naturally between the four of them as they transitioned from the living room to the dining room. Donna heard Claire and James laughing at a joke she hadn't caught as she and Grace went into the kitchen to grab everyone drink refills.

As she poured him another glass of scotch, Donna looked up at her older sister.

"What do you think? Do you like him?" She asked nervously.

"He's great Dee" Grace patted her hand reassuringly. "He makes you smile, and I haven't seen you smile like that in awhile. I like anyone who can make you throw your head back laughing."

"You know," Donna whispered as she topped off her sister's wine glass. "It's not just his jokes that make me throw my head back."

"That," Grace laughed as she took a sip from her now full glass of wine "Is a conversation for another time," she finished giving her sister a sideways smirk. "But seriously Dee, If you're happy, I'm happy."

Linking elbows with her sister, Donna led the back to the dining room. "I am, Gigi. I think I really am."

The effortless conversation from earlier continued throughout dinner; making Donna wonder what exactly she had been so nervous about. James was getting along great with her sisters. It was easy, natural even. If her happiness and comfort around James were as apparent as Grace said, she knew her sisters' husbands would take to him just as quickly as they did. She couldn't help but image a similar dinner party months down the road; the six of them laughing and talking about everything and nothing. She couldn't help but image Christmas - the two of them helping her nieces and nephews decorate the tree, or him sharing a glass of scotch and a cigar on the back porch with her dad and brothers. Is this what happened when you found the one? Did you start to picture them folding into the fabric of your family - celebrating holidays together and co-hosting just because dinner parties?

It was his voice and her sisters' laughter that awoke her from her little daydream.

"Hey DeeDee" he laughed "can you pass me the rolls?"

Hearing him use one of her childhood nicknames caused her to laugh, and nearly choke on her wine.

"Excuse me, Mister" narrowing her eyes at him as she pulled the basket of rolls farther from his reach "but there are only two people on this planet who can call me that and they happen to be sitting on either side of you."

"It's true" Claire sighed.

"Yep" Grace agreed, grabbing a roll from the basket before finally passing it to James.

"Ok, that was a set up" James laughed as he leaned back in his chair.

"Seems like it was" Donna replied as she teared off a piece of her roll and playfully chucked it across the table in his direction.

"So" James asked as he leaned closer to Claire, meeting her gaze. "Does Donna have any other childhood nicknames I should steer clear of?"

"Oh, there's another one. But she loves it. Anyone can use it" Claire replied.

A devilish grin spread across her face as she made eye contact with Grace. Realizing what Claire was thinking of, Grace laughed and flashed Donna a huge grin before continuing.

"Oh definitely, it's her _favorite_. Isn't that right, Robbie?"

Now it was James' turn to laugh and choke on his drink. "Robbie?" he questioned as he looked between the three sisters. Claire and Grace couldn't hide their laughter - Donna's latest heavy pour of wine clearly getting to them. Donna, although smiling, was looking between her two sisters seemingly deciding which to assassinate first.

"Oh no, nope" she started, popping the p as she spoke the last word, her eyes now locked on him.

Sensing that there was an interesting backstory to this nickname, he fixed his gaze across the table at Donna. "Robbie, huh? Where does that come from?" he asked.

"It's my middle name." Donna sighed.

Confused, "your middle name is Robbie?" he asked.

"Roberta" Claire corrected quickly, still unable to get her laugher under control.

"It's awful, isn't it!?" Donna exclaimed as she took a sip of her wine.

Grace rolled her eyes and looked between her two sisters. "Here we go," she laughed and leaned back in her chair, just as Donna launched into a rant about her middle name that she'd heard so many times she could recite it herself.

"It's not even like it's a family name!" Donna continued, "there are no Robertas, or even Roberts, on either side of our family. Where did it _come_ from?"

"It's not that bad!" James started, standing up to help Grace start clearing the table. He walked behind Donna's chair and placed a kiss on the top of her head before continuing. "I kind of like it."

"Don't lie to me" Donna deadpanned, looking in his direction.

Claire and Donna got up from the table, brining the remaining few items into the kitchen. They carried dessert and yet another bottle of wine into the living room as the conversation continued.

"And it's not like our parents ran out of nice, normal names. There are plenty of names out there. Claire here was born two years later and her middle name is as normal as they come. Why couldn't she get stuck with Roberta?"

"It's true" Claire replied smugly as Donna refilled her wine glass "Elizabeth is a great middle name."

Donna looked between her sisters as the pair of them burst into laughter yet again. "You both suck," she said as she took a sip of wine, putting an end to the conversation. She sat down on the couch and draped her legs over James' lap.

"So James," Grace started. " Now that we've determined that Donna has the worst middle name in the world, What's yours? Can't be as bad as Roberta."

"Oh, James is actually my middle name, but it's what I've been called since I was a kid"

"Oooh, why's that?" Claire asked "Horrible and embarrassing first name?" She added jokingly.

"Not really" James explained "My first name is Henry, but I have a twin sister - Heather - and growing up I hated how similar our names were, so I insisted on being called James."

"Henry James Spidle" Grace said, pronouncing each word slowly. "Very refined."

"Regal even," Claire agreed.

As Donna reached across the coffee table to pass James his glass of scotch, her two sisters exchanged knowing glances over her head.

The evening ended with Claire and Grace asking questions about James' work and family. They learned all about his job in finance and his time playing football at Yale. They learned that he and his brother shared a massive record collection that their grandfather had given them before he died. He shared a love of cars with both his dad and his brother and, whenever the three were together, they enjoyed racing their dad's refurbished Cadillacs down his parent's long driveway. He was close with his siblings and his dad, but his relationship with his mom was a bit more complicated. They were in a better place than they'd been before, but it was still a work in progress. His brother lived in the City too, and was a professor at NYU. His sister was a middle school math teacher near the town in Massachusetts where they'd grown up.

It was just after midnight when they said their final goodbyes to her sisters. Closing the door behind them she turned around and leaned against it, a big, slightly tipsy, slightly exhausted smile spreading across her face.

James grabbed both her hands and pulled her toward him, lazily snaking his hands around her waist. The pair stood in content silence in her entryway for a couple seconds as Donna moved her hands from her sides to rest on the back of his neck, her thumbs tracing the outline of his defined jaw.

"So" Donna breathed as she looked up at him, trying to read his expression "what did you think?"

"They're wonderful, Donna" he replied, tucking a lock of her curly auburn hair behind her ear. "I can't wait to get to know them better."

Donna breathed a sigh of relief as she looked back up at him and smiled. The night had gone off without a hitch and she couldn't wait for the next time they all got together.

"Now," he continued, a sly smile spreading across his face "about those weekend plans I mentioned earlier" his voice trailed off as his grip around her waist tightened.

"Oh right" Donna replied, her tone matching his as she inched closer to him. "Remind me what those were again" she leaned in, lips just brushing his before she turned around and reached back, grabbing his hand in both of hers as she led him to the bedroom.

Donna's sisters exited her apartment building arm in arm, recapping the evening. When they got to the street corner where they'd part ways, the pair stopped. Claire finally asking the question that had been on both of their minds since midway through dinner.

"He's really great, Gigi, handsome, smart, funny, accomplished. And she seems really happy. But -" Claire paused, looking up at her big sister before she continued, "did he remind you of someone?"

"Harvey." Grace responded, without missing a beat. "She's dating Harvey."

"But not" Claire sighed.

 **A/N - thanks for reading my first ever Suits fic, and stay tuned for more chapters here! Please, let me know what you think and leave a review!**


	2. Chapter 2

Harvey could easily count the number of times in the past fifteen years where he'd arrived at the office before Donna. Usually, it was when he was preparing for a particularly complicated case, his nerves and anxiety getting the best of him and forcing him into the office as the sun rose after tossing and turning all night. This morning though, his work ethic wasn't the source of his early morning, but rather a nuisance maintenance issue that required him to be out of his apartment by 7am.

It was as he rounded the corner and and looked into her office that he realized he'd arrived before her. He noticed something sitting on her desk and slowed to take a closer look; flowers. She hadn't told him she was seeing someone, but she hadn't _not_ told him either. She'd been leaving at a reasonable time more and more often, wore that blue dress with the ruffles around the waist he knew she liked to wear on dates, and even mentioned a weekend trip Upstate about a month ago. He'd overheard her talking to Louis last week about him meeting her sisters over dinner - his name was John, or Jason, James maybe? Regardless, he was happy for her. He wanted her to be happy - if she was happy, so was he.

He heard the unmistakable click of her heels moving across the marble floor and turned to see her walking towards him, carrying a cup of coffee from a cafe he'd never heard of, but one he'd noticed she'd been going to a lot recently.

"Harvey," she smiled as she greeted him.

"Donna."

"What can I do for you?" she asked, passing him and walking into her office, him following at her heels.

"Nothing, just admiring the scenery," he said, gesturing to the flowers on her desk and leaning against her door frame.

"Oh" she said, looking down at the bouquet and blushing a little, "it's...a special day."

"He's a lucky man, Donna," Harvey said, smiling as he turned to leave. "See you at the 11 o'clock budget meeting," adding before heading back to his office.

Donna waited until Harvey disappeared around the corner towards his office before reaching for the card attached to the flowers. Pulling the card out of the envelope, she smiled as she recognized his handwriting.

Donna,

These past six months have been some of my favorite ever, can't wait to celebrate with you tonight.

Happy Anniversary.

~James

She was trying not to overthink this relationship milestone, the six month mark was when things usually went to shit for her. When she backed out or freaked out or did something to give the other person an escape route for one reason or another, but she didn't want that to happen with James. He made her feel happy, comfortable, and appreciated and she wanted to celebrate this milestone with him, so that they could look towards the next one together.

The day passed in a flurry of work, meetings, and phone calls and, before she knew it, she was racing to freshen up in the bathroom and get out the door to meet James for dinner. She packed up her bag, reluctantly grabbing a stack of paralegal applications to review later that night. Grabbing her coat and shutting off her desk lamp, she sent a quick text to James letting him know she was on her way and walked towards the elevators.

She saw Harvey waiting for the elevator as she approached. "You're leaving early tonight," she said - trying to use small talk to temporarily take her mind off the nervous excitement she was feeling about dinner.

"I wouldn't exactly call 8:15 early," he quibed "but I could say the same for you. You've been punching a more regular clock these past few months. A couple morning meetings, even." He turned to face her, a small smirk spreading across his face.

Donna didn't respond, but turned and met his gaze with that slightly exasperated look she reserved just for Harvey. Rolling her eyes, she followed him into the elevator that had just arrived.

"So," he started, "where are you going tonight?"

Donna was surprised by his question. She knew he knew about her and James - the jokes about the morning meetings, comments about the flowers on her desk and her favorite blue date dress - but they'd never inquired about each other's relationships outright. The jokes and the ambiguity were their normal; it was comfortable, it was who they were.

"Oh, um," she started, quickly glancing down at her watch to make sure she was still on time before spinning it around her wrist with her other hand - one of her anxious habits she'd never been able to shake. "I'm not sure - James wanted to surprise me, so I'm meeting him at his office. He said it's a quick walk from there."

Just then, the elevator dinged and the doors opened into the lobby. Harvey gestured, giving room for Donna to exit first.

"Well, he better not take you to Del Posto; that's our place."

Donna turned to look at him, her lips slightly agape, not entirely sure if he was joking or not. She stared at him while she tried to formulate a response.

"I'm happy for you, Donna. Happy Anniversary - enjoy your night."

"Thanks, Harvey."

He turned to go then, walking in front of her as she stood still, reaching up and giving her shoulder a slight squeeze as he did so.

Donna stood in the center of the lobby for several more seconds collecting herself. Where the hell did _that_ Harvey just come from? Usually when she was dating someone he was irritable, fidgety, and avoided the subject at all costs. Now, it was him bringing it up. Maybe he really was happy for her, and kept bringing it up so she would know that things between them were good, that they were friends. The kind of friends who shared notes about their personal lives, apparently.

Taking a deep breath, she attempted to push all things Harvey from her mind. She was nervous enough for the evening as it was, the last thing she needed was to unpack the meaning behind his most recent foray into emotional vulnerability.

She met James in the lobby of his building and all the nerves that had been coursing through her all day immediately evaporated when he hugged her. She'd noticed that'd been happening a lot recently. She was nervous about dinner with her sisters, and that had gone off without a hitch, because James was there and made her feel so at ease. But it wasn't just big events like that. She could come home from a long, frustrating day at the office, sit down on the couch with him and within ten minutes, she couldn't even remember what she had been stressed about in the first place. He made everything else disappear and it was one of her favorite things about him.

Hours later, they left the restaurant arm in arm. James had chosen a romantic dinner at a small French restaurant that paired a different type of wine with each course. Since it was a nice night, Donna suggested that they walk back to her apartment, taking a slight detour through a corner of Central Park. They walked through the park hand in hand in comfortable silence, simply enjoying each other's company. Donna couldn't remember a time when she'd felt so happy, so carefree, and she knew it was all because of James. She leaned into his side and reached her free hand across her body to rest in the crook of his elbow. Her mind wandered and she imagined a similar evening, years in the future; her and James wandering through the park celebrating another relationship milestone. She knew she was falling for this man, and it excited and scared her in equal measure.

All too soon though, they arrived outside of Donna's apartment building and she fished through her purse for her keys.

"I'd invite you in," Donna started, locating the keys and removing them from her bag, "but I have to review some applications before tomorrow's resourcing meeting. And you're _very_ distracting." She looked up at him and smiled, hoping he'd see how much she didn't want to spend the night with her work.

"Don't worry about it," he said, kissing her quickly as she dropped her keys back into her purse. "I know the work of the _real_ managing partner never ends." He winked at her as he finished. "Besides, we're going to Connecticut this weekend, and I can think of a couple ways you can make it up to me me then."

He smiled down at her as he dropped her hands from his, instead snaking them around her waist and pulling her closer.

"If you're going to ditch me on our anniversary, at least let me do this" He reached up with one hand and brushed her cheek lightly with the back of his hand before tucking a lock of her hair behind her ear. His hand moved through her hair to rest on the back of her neck and he leaned in and kissed her. The hand that was on her waist moved up and across her back and her hands travelled up his chest to grip the lapels of his suit jacket. Donna tilted her head and parted her lips slightly, deepening the kiss for a bit before pulling back, knowing full well that she was mere seconds from abandoning her work and instead inviting him in and letting him have his way with her all night.

"I had a really, really great time tonight," she said as she smiled up at him, her hands still resting on his chest. "Thank you," she finished, lifting her head up to give him a quick peck on the lips.

"Me too, Donna," he dropped his hands from her waist and moved his hands up in between them to wrap them around hers. "I meant what I said at dinner," he continued. "These past six months have been amazing, you're amazing."

They stared at each other for a couple seconds in comfortable silence, their hands dropping to rest by their sides, fingers still intertwined. Just as Donna was about to break the silence and say goodnight, James spoke.

"I love you, Donna."

Donna felt her eyes grow wide, and her shoulders tense slightly. She was taken aback by James' admission, but she didn't want him to be able to read her reaction on her face. Before she could overthink it, or before he could say anything else, she kissed him.

"Happy anniversary," she said, dropping one hand from his and reaching up to cup his cheek. She leaned in and gave him another quick kiss before moving her hand from his cheek to run across his shoulder and down the length of his arm, her fingers lingering on his for just a second before taking a small step back.

"Goodnight, James," she said as she unlocked the front door. "Thank you," she added hastily as she turned to enter the lobby of her building.

She closed the door behind her and sunk against it, letting out a sigh.

 _Thank you?! Really, Donna, that was the best you could do?_

She walked further into her apartment and set her coat and bag down on the couch. She took the small jewelry box James had given her at dinner out of her bag and walked into the bedroom, setting it down on the center of her dresser. She had planned to wear it to the office tomorrow, but now she wasn't sure if she wanted a reminder of her words left unsaid resting so close to her heart.

She had hoped a hot shower and a glass of wine would take her mind off the way her night had ended, but as she sat down with her paperwork, she realized that was not the case. She got up and turned on some classical music and made herself a cup of tea - two tried and true methods to get her anxiety in check. When neither of those worked, she got up again and started to pace around her living room.

Grabbing her phone, she looked down at the time. It was late, but it was worth a shot. She dialed the familiar number and leaned against the back of her couch. Tapping her foot restlessly as she waited for her sister to pick up.

One of Donna's favorite thing about having two sisters was the fact that they each had their specialty when it came to men. When Donna was younger, Grace was her go-to for sex questions - she'd gotten there first, afterall. Even as they grew older, Donna always went to her for bedroom business, from her pregnancy scare a couple of months after she moved to the City after college, to advice on how to handle Mitchell's performance anxiety, Grace was her girl.

For matters of the heart, though, it was Claire. She'd married her college and med school boyfriend and, even before then, had always had the most stable and healthy relationships out of the three of them. You'd think that being the youngest child of divorced parents she'd be swimming in Daddy issues but, somehow she'd defined the odds.

Growing impatient with how long it was taking her sister to answer the phone, Donna got up and started to pace again. _Come on Claire, pick up! What if I was dying?,_ she thought - always one for the dramatics.

"Donna, what do you want?" Claire answered, stifling a yawn. "It's 12:15 in the morning, _some people_ are trying to sleep"

"Claire, you're an ER doctor," Donna shot back quickly. "You never sleep."

"I do when I just finished a 36 hour shift, finally got my toddler to fall asleep, and am not on call for the night," Claire fired back just as quickly. "Seriously Donna, what do you want?"

"I uh -," Donna started, realizing she wasn't quite sure how to explain what happened to Claire, "I need some help."

Hearing the slight desperation and uneasiness in her sister's voice, Claire sat up in bed. Her husband was working a night shift, so she didn't have to worry about waking him up, but she did want to give Donna her undivided attention and sitting up would help her not fall back asleep. She knew she wouldn't be calling at this hour unless something was really bothering her.

"Ok, what's up? Wait," Claire paused, pulling the phone away from her ear and checking the date before continuing, "wasn't tonight your anniversary dinner with James? Why aren't you still with him?

"Yeah," Donna breathed "that's kind of what I want to talk about."

Wow, six months like clockwork, Claire thought. Every serious relationship Donna had ever been in met a roadblock at the six month mark. She and Grace had hoped this one would be different, especially given how happy Donna said she was with him, but their sister was nothing if not consistent.

"Ok, what did you do this time?" Claire asked, hoping Donna wouldn't take her question the wrong way.

"First off," Donna quipped, "I resent that, it's not _always_ my fault. And second, it's not so much what I did, but more what I didn't do."

"What does that even mean?" Claire deadpanned.

"Well, um, we were outside my apartment building saying goodnight and I thanked him for a great evening and he was repeating all these amazing, nice things he'd said at dinner and he gave me this beautiful necklace and I was feeling so happy and hopeful, and it really was the perfect night and just as I was about to say goodnight he -" Donna stopped to take a breath, not realizing how fast she'd been speaking, or that she'd started to cry.

"He what, Donna?" her sister pried carefully.

"He, he - told me he loves me," Donna finished, wiping away a couple tears that had started to roll down her cheeks.

"Donna," Claire breathed. "That's huge. What did you say back?"

"I, I think I said thank you"

"You _think_? Claire asked.

"Well," Donna started to explain, "I kissed him again, and said happy anniversary and goodnight. And then I said thank you. And I meant thank you for the whole night, but maybe I meant for telling me he loves me - it _was_ really nice to hear." she finished, wiping a couple more tears that were, annoyingly, still falling.

"Do you?"

"Do I what?"

"Do you love him?" Claire asked, as if it was the most obvious follow-up question to Donna's story - because it was.

"Well," Donna said thoughtfully, "I don't _not_ love him"

"That is not what I asked," Claire said, exasperated.

"I don't know, Claire. I want to, but...it's a big word. I've only ever said it to -" Donna stopped herself, realizing she was about to admit something to her sister they'd never discusses before.

"To who, Donna?"

Donna took a breath, knowing that if Claire was going to help her through this, she had to be honest with her.

"Harvey."

Claire let out a breath. There is was - the other shoe, the elephant in the room, her achilles heel - whatever you wanted to call it. Claire had always known there was something there; the pair of them couldn't have made it through everything they had in the past fifteen years without sharing some kind of love. She'd always believed that it went unsaid between them, like how Harvey never had to tell Donna things, she'd just always known. But for Donna to admit it to him was big, Claire knew that. She didn't know how Donna meant it when she told him, but she did mean it. Her sister did not say things she didn't mean. Which, come to think of it, may be why she was struggling so hard to respond to James.

"Ok," Claire started, "do you love Harvey?"

"No, maybe, yes, I don't know," Donna rambled "I love him like he's my best friend, because he is. I love him like I'd love an older brother if I had one. I don't love him like I want to love James. I'm not _in love_ with him. At least -"

"At least what, Donna?" Claire continued

"Claire, I can't do this right now. It's late and I have work to finish and-"

Before she could finish, Claire cut her off. "Donna, _you_ called _me_. But whatever, I'm not wasting my time if you don't want to figure this out."

"No Claire I do, I need to," Donna admitted. "It's just late, and I'm tired and a lot has happened tonight. I have a light morning tomorrow, breakfast?"

Claire smiled, "As long as you don't mind me bringing Hannah. And you're buying."

"Thanks Clarice," Donna smiled, thankful once again for her baby sister and her level head, "love you."

"Oh wow," Claire joked, "now was that so hard?"

"I'm hanging up"

"Goodnight Dee, see you tomorrow"

Feeling a bit better already, Donna sat down to finally get started on her stack of paperwork. Sleep was lost on her and she knew that even if she tried, she'd spend all night tossing and turning thinking and overthinking her every move from that night. She finally finished reviewing and making notes on the applications just before three. She packed up her bag, set the auto timer on her coffee pot, knowing she'd need all the caffeine she could get to make it through the following day, and crawled into bed, resigned to stare at the ceiling and replay every moment from the night in vivid detail until her alarm went off in three hours.

Donna was leaving her apartment to meet Claire when she received her now expected good morning text from James. For once, she was relieved he had a breakfast meeting with clients and couldn't get coffee before work that morning - anything to delay the discussion about the uncomfortable way things ended the night before, even for a couple of hours.

She walked toward the curb, raising her hand in the air to hail a cab as she looked down to read his message.

Good morning, love! Can't stop smiling thinking about last night, can I see you later?

Donna breathed a sigh of relief; no mention of her hasty exit. Maybe her reaction wasn't a big deal to him - she was too focused on her own reaction to his words that she didn't even think to get a read on his reaction to her. He seemed completely normal for now, but she knew they needed to talk about it. She knew from experience that I love yous deserved an honest and timely response.

She climbed into a cab and gave the driver her destination and she typed a reply.

Morning sunshine, hope your breakfast goes well! I have a late meeting, but I'll call you when I'm done. Have a great day!

Donna leaned back in the seat and closed her eyes briefly, hoping that James wouldn't notice the little bit of forced enthusiasm peppered into her message. She looked down at her phone to check the time, making sure she wouldn't be late to meet Claire. James hadn't yet responded to her message, and he probably wouldn't. They weren't that kind of couple. They were both busy during the workday and neither saw the need for constant, nonsense communication.

The cab pulled up in front of the coffee shop and Donna reached into her purse to pay the driver. Walking through the door, she immediately felt that sense of comfort and nostalgia that this cafe always brought her. The place wasn't anything special and had probably failed a health inspection or two in its time, but to Donna and her sisters, this place was everything. When things were at their worst with their parents, they'd spend some weekends in the City with their Aunt and they'd come here for Sunday breakfasts. Knowing that the cafe was the last stop before a house full of fights and yelling, their Aunt went out of her way to send them back smiling and laughing. Ever since, Donna and her sisters came here when they needed to talk things through, when they had a problem to solve. No matter what they were facing, the place brought them comfort, the sense that no matter how big the problem seemed, it was solvable. When Donna had suggested breakfast the night before, they didn't need to discuss the location, she and Claire both knew they'd be meeting at Beverly's.

Donna spotted Claire and her little redhead in their usual booth in the back, smiling when she noticed she had already ordered and there was a very large cup of coffee waiting for her. Kissing Hannah on the top of her head, Donna slid into the booth across from her sister.

"Wow, you've looked better," Claire quibed as soon as Donna sat down "Did you get any sleep at all?"

"Hi Claire, good morning, nice to see you! How are you today?" Donna replied sarcastically as she took a sip of her coffee.

Claire didn't respond, just tilted her head and rolled her eyes at her older sister.

'Yeah, Claire," Donna relented, "I've had better nights." She took a deep breath and she prepared herself for the conversation that was about to happen.

"So," Claire started, cutting right to the chase "Harvey - you love him. When did you tell him that?"

Donna looked down as she spoke, mindlessly playing with the sugar packets on the table.

"It was a couple years ago. He told me he loved me the night he saved me from going to prison. I didn't say anything right away because he left my apartment before I could, and I wasn't sure how he meant it. But I said it a couple days later - right before I went to go work for Louis."

"Excuse me, saved you from going WHERE?" Donna looked up to find her sister glaring at her, knowing that she hadn't told her sisters about her run in with the law when it happened because she hadn't wanted to worry them and she definitely hadn't been in the mood for a lecture.

"Oh," Donna started, doing her best to act casual about the whole situation - despite the fact that she still couldn't think about it for too long without nausea creeping in. From the genuine terror she felt as her fate hung by a thread to her pushing Harvey for an answer with her "love me how?" she kept the emotions from that week firmly locked up in a box in the back of her brain.

"It was nothing," she said - hopefully reassuringly, "just a big misunderstanding about how I got some documents for one of Harvey and Mike's cases."

"Well, well" Claire, admonished, half jokingly, "sounds like you've been broken our rule more than once when it comes to Harvey. Time to get talking," she finished as she cut up some of her pancakes and placed them on a napkin in front of Hannah, who had started to get fussy.

Donna swallowed, she hated that Claire had brought up the rule, but she was right. She'd always felt a little twinge of guilt when she'd kept something, usually Harvey-related, from her sisters. Growing up, their house had been full of secrets and lies, mostly about their dad's financial dealings. They hated what it did to their parents, how it made them yell and fight. How those secrets eventually led to their nasty divorce. One night, during a particularly vicious fight, the three of them were curled up in Grace's bed doing their best to tune out the yelling coming from downstairs. It was in that moment that they made their rule. They promised that they would always tell each other everything. No secrets or lies between the three of them, no matter what. It was a promise that, with a few exceptions on Donna's part, they had always honored.

With another sip of coffee and look at her sister, Donna let the floodgates open. She started with the rule she made for herself on a whim that became the cornerstone of her relationship with Harvey. Until the other time, when it wasn't. How that night with him made her feel things, even start to picture a future - a future she was all but ready to ask him for when he asked her to come with him to Pearson Hardman, derailing that version of the future but creating a new one. Claire knew they were as close as two people could be without being _that_ but she was quickly realizing there was so much more to the story of Harvey and Donna than she'd let on over the years. Donna continued, teling Claire everything from Harvey taking her out for breakfast the day after Stephen Huntley was arrested, to his surprise appearance at the closing night of her Shakespeare play, all the way up to their most recent kiss, her almost resignation, their slow dances at Mike and Rachel's wedding, and the new normal they found themselves in.

When she finished, Donna was out of breath. Recounting a fifteen year history was hard enough, but when that history was as complicated and fraught with emotional ambiguity as hers and Harvey's was, it was something else entirely. She sipped on her coffee and looked at Claire, recognizing from her facial expression that she was trying to process all the emotional baggage that Donna had just dumped on the table.

Growing anxious from the prolonged silence, Donna spoke again.

"So that's Harvey," she sighed "but I don't want to talk about him anymore, I want to talk about James and figure out whether or not I'm in love with him, because I'm going to see him tonight, and -"

Claire reached across the table and rested her hands on top of Donna's, stopping her from tearing the empty sugar packet from her coffee to shreds. She knew Donna fiddled with whatever she could get her hands on when she was anxious. Wordlessly, she wanted to tell her sister that she didn't need to be stressed about this; she was here for her and they'd figure this out together.

"Ok, Donna," Claire started, looking up at her "but one last thing about Harvey. Do you love him?"

"Claire, you know I do. But," she paused, looking up at her sister - stopping her before she could challenge what she was about to say "exactly how I told you I loved him last night. Like a brother or a best friend. I'm not _in love_ with him."

Feeling Claire's silence pressing her to keep talking, she continued.

"Look, I know there's a part of me, in a different world, that could be _in love_ with him. He knows me better than anyone in the world - except you and Grace - and I know he'd never leave me. Yeah we'd fight like hell about probably everything, but I don't know, it'd probably work. But I know it's not what he wants, so I'm not even entertaining that possibility. Because it's never going to happen."

Understanding that Donna really wanted to move on from Harvey, not just in this conversation, but in her mind, in her heart, Claire pivoted to focus on her and James.

"And James," Claire started "what does it look like to be in love with him?"

Donna sighed, and couldn't help the small smile that spread across her face as she thought about the past six months she'd spent with him. How comfortable, how appreciated, and how relaxed he made her feel.

"He makes me happy," she started, feeling her smile widen. "It's so easy with him. He makes me laugh, he makes me want to leave work at work. It's comfortable, it's easy. Being with him is so different from all the other relationships I've been in, and that's what I like about it. It feels special. He's special."

Claire heard all of this, and knew what Donna was saying was true. She also knew that she loved him but wasn't quite _in love_ with him. She could get there though, if she wanted to.

"Donna," she started, "I'm not going to pretend I know Harvey even half as well as you do, and I've only met James once, but can I tell you what I think is going on here?"

Donna took a deep breath, knowing she was about to get slapped in the face with that Paulsen intuition she was so famous for dishing out.

"Sure Claire," she sighed "hit me."

"At the rate things are going, if you give it another month or two, you'll be in love with James the way you say you want to be. But in another six months you'll be bored, and you'll probably end things. You keep talking about how he makes you comfortable, but honey, if you were after comfort and predictability in any area of your life, you would _not_ have spent the last fifteen years working for Harvey. Yeah, the unknown can make you anxious and uncomfortable sometimes, but you thrive off of the challenges that comes with it - you always have. You need someone - at work and at home - that keeps you on your toes, that challenges you _and_ comforts you, that keeps you guessing and makes you laugh. In the long term, that's not James."

Claire stopped talking for a second to take a pulse of Donna's facial expression - a deer in headlights if she ever saw one. Knowing that her sister needed to hear all of what she had to say so she could be begin to process everything, she kept going.

"Oh and Dee - from where I'm sitting, the only difference between Harvey and James is James' predictability. Tall, handsome, Ivy-league educated executives, nearly identical Tom Ford suits, massive record collections, love of sports and fast cars. I mean, come on, they even have the same first and last initials. Donna, think about it, what's really keeping you from falling all the way in love with James?

There were very few things that could render Donna speechless, but her sisters doing what everyone at the firm called her Donna thing on her was one of those things. Donna started to think about what her sister had just said, but before she could even attempt to respond, Claire's phone started ringing.

"Crap, that's the hospital," Claire explained, as she turned off the sound. "Time to go, Hannah!" she swallowed the last few bites of her pancakes as she packed up the couple of toys her daughter had pulled from her purse while she and Donna had talked.

Standing up, with Hannah now in her arms, she turned to Donna.

"Sorry to cut this short, Dee," she said, leaning over to kiss the top of her head "I'll call you later tonight!"

Dumbfounded, Donna leaned back against the booth and reached for the cup of coffee in front of her, downing what was left in one gulp. Closing her eyes, she thought about what Claire had just said. Physically, she'd give it to her. Harvey and James looked similar, but there was nothing wrong with having a type. But the similarities stopped there. For one, James was able to understand and express his emotions like a healthy adult, and that was something Harvey had never been able to do. That was a huge difference - a welcome one given the amount of time she'd spent over the past fifteen years telling Harvey why he was feeling what he was feeling. _Say what you want Claire_ , she thought, but the reasons she was with James had nothing to do with the ways he might be like Harvey. In fact, if she counted her favorite things about him, they were all the things that made him different from Harvey.

The cafe wasn't too far from the firm so, despite the height of her heels, she decided to walk back to the office, giving herself some more time to unpack her breakfast conversation and be alone with her thoughts before the demands of her job took over her mind.

As she walked down the street enjoying the light morning breeze, she thought about all the conversations she'd had over the years about her relationship with Harvey. She knew it was a complex one, hard to define and even harder to explain. Jessica, Rachel, Gretchen, and now Samatha, and Katrina - everyone at the firm knew that she and Harvey were one and the same, one didn't work without the other. They respected it, admired it, and for the most part, did not push or question the boundaries they'd set for themselves.

But then, why did all of her romantic relationships have to exist in the context of Harvey Specter? Why had she always considered Harvey when she thought about her romantic partner? Why did his opinion and their reactions to her workplace dynamic with him matter so much, to her and to them? Why could she never seem to have both - a best friend, boss turned peer, port in the storm _and_ a significant other? Her relationship with Harvey had been a dealbreaker for everyone before - Mark, Mitchell, and even Stephen, but James didn't seem to mind. He was understanding of their relationship even. He had no problem when she cancelled a date with him in favor of her and Harvey's annual Del Posto dinner. Being with James had made her start to think it was possible for her to have both - a work husband and a real husband.

Her thoughts had wandered so far she hadn't realized how quickly she'd made it to the firm. As she stepped into the elevator in the lobby, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, effectively pushing the morning's conversation into a back compartment in her brain. She knew she'd have to process things a bit more before seeing James that night, but she didn't have space in her brain to deal with those thoughts until later that evening. She had a busy day ahead of her - with the resourcing meeting she'd spent all night preparing for, and some work she wanted to get ahead on so she could leave early the next day for her weekend in Connecticut. There was no time in her schedule to be distracted by thoughts of her feelings about James, or Harvey for that matter.

As luck would have it, though, as the elevator opened on the 50th floor, the first person she saw was Harvey, exiting the elevator directly across from her. He noticed her and smiled, falling into step as they made their way through the firm and towards their offices.

"Morning, Donna," Harvey started, playfully dragging out the o and smirking at her.

"Harvey," she replied shortly.

"I gotta say," he continued in the same playful tone, "I'm surprised to see you in the office so early this morning. I thought your morning meeting would run later, especially considering your _late_ night last night," the pair of them now coming to a halt in front of Donna's office.

"I got breakfast with Claire this morning," she explained, looking him square in the eye, her tone and eye contact letting him know she wasn't in the mood for jokes and their conversation would be short lived. "And," she continued, holding up her hand between them, signaling him to stop whatever cheeky comment was forming at the back of his throat, "as you pointed out, I am running late, and have work to do."

With that, she turned on her heel and entered her office, but not before grabbing the cup of coffee out of his hand and claiming it as her own.

Harvey stood in her doorway for a few seconds, his gaze following her as she approached her desk. An almost inaudible "hmmmp" escaped him as he realized he was now without coffee.

"Like taking candy from a baby," she tossed back at him, without even turning around. She figured one joke wouldn't hurt, it was Harvey, afterall.

The rest of the day passed quickly, but as she was preparing to leave for the night Donna realized she was exhausted. Her sleepless night had finally caught up to her, and the afternoon full of meetings plus her attempt to avoid Harvey whenever possible not helping the situation. Still, despite her fatigue, she knew she had to see James. Weirdly, even though a part of her was dreading the conversation to come, there was also a part of her that _wanted_ to see him. She hoped being in his presence would bring her some clarity, as it had done so many times in the past.

Before leaving her office, she glanced in the direction of Harvey's, looking to make sure her day wouldn't end like it started - with his playful, prodding questions into her personal life. Seeing the lights still on in his office, she knew the coast was clear. She saw him on the phone, pacing back and forth behind his desk. By the way he was walking and gesturing with his hands, she knew he was talking to a client, and likely would be for some time.

As she exited the elevator in the lobby, she pulled out her phone to call James, as she'd promised to do that morning.

"Hey you," he greeted her, answering on the first ring as she'd come to expect.

"Hey mister," she started, "I'm just leaving the office now. Your place or mine?"

As soon as she'd said it, she wished she just suggested they go to her place. If they were going to rehash the night before - have this discussion, fight, conversation - whatever it turned out to be, she wanted to make herself as comfortable as possible. She was nervous, no way around that and, not that his place made her uncomfortable, but when she was this anxious she liked to be able to control her environment.

"Actually, I'm pretty close to yours now," he explained, " I have to drop off some papers for a client to sign. I can meet you in 20?"

"Perfect," she smiled as she exhaled a breath of relief, "see you soon."

"See you soon, love," James finished, before she heard him end the call. Hearing his words, Donna felt another surge of panic and anxiety course through her veins. Did he realize he'd now said love to her twice, and she had yet to reciprocate? Was he trying to force it out of her?

Hurrying into the street, she jumped in the first cab she saw and gave the driver her address. There was traffic, so James would probably beat her back to her apartment. He also, she realized, would probably be waiting outside because she hadn't, until this moment, even thought to give him a key.

As the cab pulled up in front of her apartment she saw James leaning against the side of the building scrolling on his phone. As she exited the cab, he looked up from his phone and smiled at her. She greeted him with a peck on the cheek and he rested his hand on her lower back as she unlocked the front door. They hadn't spoken yet, and every second the silence continued, Donna could feel her heart beating faster. As they climbed the two flights of stairs to her apartment, she started asking him questions about his breakfast meeting, a feeble attempt to take control of the situation and calm herself down.

As they entered her apartment, she led him into the kitchen and prepared to fix them a drink. She almost smiled to herself at how almost routine this felt. It was what they did when they spent weeknights at her place - drinks in the kitchen, followed by cuddling on the couch. The fact that this night was likely to not be the comfortable, predictable evening with James she'd come to expect had her pouring herself a generous glass of wine. She passed him his usual glass of scotch as he continued to tell her about his day.

They assumed their usual places in her kitchen, him perched on one of her bar stools, her leaning against the wall opposite him. As he continued talking, Donna found herself focusing less on what he was saying and more on getting to the bottom of her wine glass. She knew she was exhausted, knew she needed her wits about her to get through the night, but God, did she need that drink.

James had started asking her about her day, how her resourcing meeting went. She heard herself answering, but wasn't sure what she was saying. She was astonished that they'd been together for nearly twenty minutes and he hadn't yet brought up her hasty exit from the previous night. She wasn't even sure he was going to. She was suffocating by all that they weren't talking about and his mindless babble about the fruit salad at his breakfast meeting that morning was making it harder and harder for her to breathe.

Taking a deep breath, she put her now empty glass of wine on the counter, and rested her hands on the surface in front of her. She looked up at him and forced a smile. Judging by his demeanor right now, he seemed genuinely unbothered by what had happened between them the previous night - and Donna wasn't sure how that made her feel. Regardless, she knew she wouldn't feel better until it had been addressed, and since it looked like he had no intentions of bringing it up, the ball was in her court.

"James," she started, cutting him off mid-sentence, "can you just yell at me, or get mad or _something_ , please?"

She looked up at him, and could tell by the confused look on his face that she had caught him off guard.

"Donna," he breathed, moving his hands across the counter to grab hers, which made her tense slightly, "what on earth are you talking about?"

She pulled her hands out from underneath his. Not rudely, she hoped, but she was starting to get anxious and needed to do something with them to distract herself. She reached for her wine glass and started fidgeting with the stem. She closed her eyes for a second to collect herself, not daring to make eye contact with him as she continued.

"You told me you love me last night. Which was...great," she paused, taking a second to decide on her next words, "but I didn't say it back, or say anything really. In fact, I ran away, which was awful of me. So you're probably mad about that."

As she finished, she looked up at him. She hadn't known how he was going to react, but she definitely hadn't thought she'd see the slight smile that was now spread across his face.

Before he spoke, he again reached across the counter to take hold of both her hands. This time, she didn't flinch or pull them away.

"I said that because I love you, and I wanted you to know it. I wasn't planning to say it, but I was feeling it, and it felt like the right time to tell you."

 _Because I love you, and I wanted you to know it._

She felt her insides twist as she heard those familiar words, said to her years before by someone else. She shook her head slightly to clear her thoughts, intentionally directing them back to James.

 _Get out of here, Harvey_ ,she thought. _Not everything is about you_.

Her eyes were wide and her lips slightly pursed, willing herself not to spill the tears forming behind her eyelids. She looked at James and willed him to keep talking, if not just because she genuinely had no idea how to respond to him.

"I'm not mad or upset that you didn't say it back," he continued in that familiar tone of voice that usually made her feel calm and reassured, but was not having the same effect now, "I don't want you to feel like you have to say it just because I did. You tell me when you're ready."

Despite his reassuring response, she still felt slightly unsettled - probably because she still wasn't sure if she was ready to say it back to him. Overwhelmed by all the emotions swimming around inside her, she couldn't help but let a couple of tears fall. Noticing this, James pulled on her hands slightly, signaling her to join him on his side of the counter. She moved to stand in front of him, his legs on either side of her, hands still enclosed in his.

He looked into her eyes and she forced a smile, relaxing into it naturally after a couple of seconds. He dropped one hand from hers and reached up to wipe a tear from under her eye with his hand moved down her face to cup her cheek, resting it there for a couple of seconds before speaking again.

"Surprise me with it. When you're ready to say it, I want you to catch me off guard."

He smiled at her, rising to his feet and kissing the top of her head as he folded her into a hug. As he did, she turned her head so the side of her face rested against his chest. She wrapped her arms loosely around his waist and tried to synch her heartbeat to his - both in an effort feel closer to him and slow down her own racing pulse.

They were still in their loose embrace when James spoke again.

'I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable last night Donna. That wasn't my intention." She didn't respond, just wrapped her arms tighter around his waist. "Is it ok if I say it again?" he asked, and she nodded against his chest in response.

"I love you."

Before she spoke, she pulled her head back so she could see his face. His features were soft and his eyes were sparkling. The way he was looking at her matched the words he had just spoken, and she couldn't help the smile that had spread across her face.

"And I really, really, really like you," a grin to match her own appearing on his face as she spoke.

"I'll take it," he said, laughing as he kissed her.

They moved to her living room after she refilled both of their drinks - her own pour significantly smaller than her first glass of the night. As they settled on her couch, she replayed the conversation that had just unfolded. She snapped at him, yet he was the one that apologized. How did that make sense? She should be feeling good, optimistic even, about the conversation, yet there was a small piece of tension in the pit of her stomach and she wanted to know why.

She asked him to stay over, but she didn't really mean it. She was relieved when he said he had to get home and finish some work before the weekend, which made her feel guilty. She did want to spend time with him, and was looking forward to their weekend, but what she needed in the moment was some time to think; think about if she'd ever be ready to surprise him with her "I love you," and why that little ball of anxiety was already starting to rise through her stomach and into her throat.

As she got out of the shower and climbed into bed, she realized what it was that was making her feel unsettled. Everything was discussed so calmly, so practically - there was no yelling, no lashing out, no letting their emotions get the best of them and saying too much. Weren't you supposed to think with your heart not your head when you were in love with someone, even in the best of times? Even though his I love you came as a surprise, it felt anticlimactic and forgettable. Admissions of love were supposed to be turning points in relationships, she wasn't sure if this felt like one. Long story short, she found herself disappointed that they didn't fight about it, at least a little bit. Which, she knew, was absolutely ridiculous but she couldn't shake it. Rolling over in bed, she hoped that the feeling would go away before their weekend together.

It was Sunday afternoon and Donna and James were on their way back to the City after their weekend in Connecticut. He was driving and she was staring out the passenger window, taking in the fall colors as they made their through the winding back roads. They'd spent most of the drive in comfortable silence, making small talk here and there when things came to mind.

 _I guess when you've spent the past 48 hours together, you run out of things to talk about_ ,Donna thought as she let out a small sigh.

The weekend had been relaxing and enjoyable and a welcome break from a hectic work week for both of them. The days started with breakfast in bed followed by lazy sex. They walked into the town for coffee and stopped in the bookstore and antique shop. They had lunch at a cozy cafe and spent the afternoons on leisurely hikes - taking in the scenery and fall colors. They had nice, romantic dinners in the evenings and spent the nights cuddled on the couch drinking wine - just like they'd be doing if they were in her apartment back in the City. It was an enjoyable weekend, and she'd had a good time, but it was also a complete copy from the last weekend they'd spent away from the City, just pasted into a different small, New England town.

They were past the point in their relationship where big, romantic gestures were necessary or expected, but since it was an anniversary trip, she had been hoping for one or two smaller surprises. They did have an exquisite dinner at a winery on Saturday night, but even that felt just like the countless meals they'd shared in the city. Her mind continued to wander and she couldn't help but think about trips she'd taken with Harvey - all business, but he always managed to sneak in a little fun. Usually, she knew what he was planning, she was Donna, after all, but her favorite trips were the ones where he was able to catch her off guard - like the time they went to Boston for summer associate interviews and he brought her to a small jazz club where some of his dad's old band mates were playing. They hadn't travelled together in awhile, not since she became COO, and she missed it. She liked spending time with him outside the four walls of the firm, and didn't realize how just how much she'd missed it until now.

The feeling of James' hand on her thigh pulled her out of her daydream and she felt herself blush slightly, embarrassed that she had just been thinking about Harvey.

"We're about 30 minutes from the city, do you need to stop at your office?"

Already dreading the mountain of work that was waiting for her upon he return to reality, she nodded, figuring it was best to get a head start.

Exactly 30 minutes later, the car pulled up in front of the firm. Donna leaned over to give James a goodbye kiss, assuming this is where they'd part until their coffee date the next morning, but he surprised her by also getting out of the car.

"Oh, I'm coming in, Donna," he said, smiling at her over the top of the car, "it's about time I see where the best COO in the city spends her days."

She laughed, and as he rounded the car to meet her, she slipped her hand into the crook of his elbow. He'd been in the lobby of the building dozens of times, usually to meet her before one of their dates, but he'd never been inside the firm. She found herself a little excited to show him her kingdom.

The next morning after their usual coffee date, she was leading James into her office for the second time in just as many days. He'd left his watch on her desk the night before, and even though Donna said she'd just bring it home with her, he insisted on coming to retrieve it, saying he'd feel incomplete at work without it. That made her laugh and roll her eyes, but she understood - everyone had their things.

As they exited the elevators and made their way to her office, Donna snuck a glance down the hall at Harvey's office, hoping to find it empty. He wasn't exactly a morning person on a good day, and she knew he had a deposition that morning that promised to be challenging, which would mean he'd be irritable. She knew that he and James were bound to meet eventually, but was hoping to delay it until a time when she could count on Harvey being in a good mood; and a time when she hadn't just spent a good portion of the drive back from her anniversary trip thinking about a man other than the one she was dating.

Donna dropped James in her office, telling him to wait for her to get back so she could say goodbye. She had some files that Louis needed to sign, and wanted to leave them with Gretchen before he arrived. She'd spent longer than anticipated chatting with the secretary, who demanded a thorough debrief of her "weekend in the wilderness" with James, as Gretchen had labeled it. She made her way back to her office, knowing that James was about to be late for work, hustling when she saw Harvey enter her office. She prayed that he'd play nice with James, especially since she wasn't there to act as a buffer.

Just as she was about to enter the office though, the site before her made her stop dead in her tracks in the door frame. She made eye contact with Harvey's outstretched hand, following it until it made contact with James', clasping it in a firm handshake. The baby blue "H.S." monogram on the wrist of his dress shirt catching her eye, as it so often did. She shifted her gaze to James' hand and sucked in a breath as she noticed, for the first time, a nearly identical monogram on his wrist. _How on earth did I miss that?_ She thought. The only difference between the two because, yes, James had used his first initial on the monogram, was the color - James' being green, a gorgeous green to match the green of his eyes.

She finally saw it; she saw it so clearly she felt like she'd been hit by a truck and couldn't believe she didn't see it the first time she met him. It wasn't just the monograms on their dress shirts that were similar, it was everything - from their defined jaw lines, to the way they both leaned forward slightly as they shook hands. God, they even both gripped the opening of their suit jacket with their free hand. Everything about their mannerisms was nearly identical, it was like seeing a reflection in a mirror. Just days before she'd told herself that the reason she liked James so much was _because_ of all the things that made him different than Harvey, but the past weekend made her think that maybe she liked him _despite_ the things that made him different than Harvey.

Overcome with the realization, she lifted a hand to steady herself in the doorframe, willing herself not to make any noise that would lead either of them to notice her presence. She felt that familiar ball of anxiety turning in her abdomen, and knew it would be mere seconds before that ball was a full on boulder, coursing up her torso, into her throat, and down her arms, leaving her breathless and shaking.

Fuck, Claire had been right. Donna tightened her grip on the doorframe, she was dating the level-headed, predictable, average version of Harvey Specter.


	3. Chapter 3

_**A quick author's note before we get started, since I've had several questions on it - I came up with the outline/concept of the story before we found out the name of Donna's love interest, which is why he's James here and not Thomas**_

She fumbled with her keys in the lock as she felt his hands snake tighter around her waist, his hot breath on her neck, just below her ear.

"If you keep that up, I'm never going to get this door open," she whispered.

He responded by pulling her even closer and nibbling on her neck. A low groan escaped her throat as his hands moved lower across her stomach. Finally, the door swung loose and the pair tumbled into the apartment.

As soon as the door was closed, she was against it. Purse, keys, and coats strewn carelessly in the entryway. Her hands moved to his collar, making fast work of the top buttons of his dress shirt, his tie soon joining the rest of their items on the floor.

Her head fell back against the door as he bit her bottom lip. She parted her lips and invited him in, deepening the kiss as her hands moved from his forearms into his hair. His hands were everywhere, running up and down the sides of her body before finally landing on her hips. He pushed her dress up higher on her thighs and used his knee to part her legs slightly, taking a step closer and pressing himself into her.

Lips still locked on his, her hands moved from his neck to his hips. She pulled his dress shirt loose from his pants and ran her nails up his bare torso. His lips moved from hers and he started planting kisses down her neck and across her clavicle, which made her eyes flutter closed. She purred as he reached a sensitive spot by her pulse point and she felt him smile against her skin. Her hands returned to his hips and worked to undo his belt buckle. She lifted one leg and hooked it around the back of his thigh, pulling him even closer to her core.

Realizing what her hands were doing, he pulled back slightly and looked at her. Her eyes were hooded and darker than normal, full of lust and love. Despite their compromising position, he paused, and took a second to tuck a stray strand of hair behind her ear before continuing.

"Here? Against your door?"

"Don't tell me you haven't thought about it," she smiled, as she pulled his belt out of its loops, tossed it aside, and moved to unzip his pants.

"Oh, I've thought about a lot of things," he says with a smirk, as he helps her push his pants to the floor, stepping out of them before lifting her off the ground.

She laughs and immediately hooks her legs around his waist. His hands move across her back, unzipping her dress and unhooking her bra. By the time he drops her on the couch, her dress is crumpled around her waist and her bra is long forgotten, joining the rest of their clothes strewn about the apartment.

Donna wakes with a smile on her face and lifts her arms overhead to stretch. She opens her eyes and takes in her surroundings, her stomach dropping as she comes to terms with where she is. She groans as she realizes that not only is she not waking up in her own apartment, she's also waking up fully clothed. She rolls over onto her stomach, covering her head with a pillow as she sighs with frustration and embarrassment after having yet another dream about Harvey while sharing a bed with James.

It was Saturday morning and by the sound of it, James was in the shower, probably just back from his usual morning run. It'd been almost a week since he and Harvey had met in her office, almost a week since she'd had _that_ realization that dating James was the closest thing to dating Harvey without _actually_ dating Harvey. She'd done just about everything she could think of to shake away those thoughts; sleeping with James multiple times in one night in an effort to focus all her energy on him, staying in his bed without actually sleeping with him, staying over at both of her sister's apartments under the guise of maintenance issues in her own, even nearly pulling an all nighter in the office, but nothing worked. It'd been almost a week, and every morning, she woke up from a vivid dream where Harvey Specter had taken her on various surfaces throughout her apartment.

She hoisted herself out of bed and was collecting her things to leave when she heard the water turn off. She closed her eyes and pursed her lips. _Damn,_ she thought, she'd really wanted to be gone before he was out of the shower. When she found herself in the same situation earlier in the week, she all but ran out the door while he was either still asleep or still on his run, needing to get home and get ready for work where she'd be able to push the whole thing to the back of her brain until the next morning. It being a Saturday though, she didn't have the luxury of work to distract her, and she was already looking for alternative ways to occupy her mind for the next 24 hours.

Lost in her thoughts, she hadn't heard him finish up in the bathroom and enter the bedroom.

"Where are you running off to?" He said, as he took a couple steps toward her and closed the distance between them, "I thought I'd make us some breakfast, I really haven't seen you all week, love."

She couldn't help but tense when she heard him say that L word yet again. She felt like it was the elephant in the room whenever they were together, no matter how many times he insisted it wasn't a big deal.

"I know, I'm sorry," she started as she located her shoes and slipped them on, "but Claire got called into the hospital last minute and she needs me to watch Hannah."

It was a lie, but it was the first thing she could think of that she knew he wouldn't question. She pulled her coat on and was about to turn to go when she felt him grab her wrist and pull her back to him.

"Hey, hey," he said, taking the hand that wasn't clasped around hers and moving it to the back of her neck, pulling her lips towards his, "before you leave."

She broke the kiss after a few seconds, feeling guilty about doing so, but feeling even more guilty about all the thoughts swimming through her head. She rested her hand on his cheek for a second, before turning and moving quickly out of the apartment.

When she got home, she headed straight for the shower, a feeble attempt to cleanse herself from her dream. She felt guilty for dreaming about Harvey, even more so for waking up disappointed morning after morning that it wasn't real. Deep, deep down she had to admit that she knew what these dreams really meant, but she also had absolutely no clue what she should do about it.

Fresh out of the shower, she made herself a cup of coffee and moved into her living room where she sank down on the floor, back resting against the back of her couch. It wasn't just that her apartment was the setting of her repeated dreams that she'd resisted sleeping there all week, it was also the fact that he was everywhere she looked. Echos of "you know I love you, Donna," filled her living room, she couldn't escape the laughter from The Other Time in her bedroom, and, if she thought about it long enough, she could convince herself that the entire placed smelled like shrimp. This had happened before, for a couple days at a time when she was at her loneliest. But now, unlike in the past, no amount of cleaning, scrubbing, vacuuming, or reorganizing could remove him. As she sat sipping her coffee, still wrapped in her robe, she thought about burning some sage, but decided against it - he wasn't a demon, no matter how much he was currently haunting her thoughts.

She didn't know how long she'd sat there - could have been 30 minutes, could have been three hours - but eventually she got up. Her mind still racing with memories from the weeks' dreams and subsequent feelings of anxiety, she knew she needed to do something, anything, to distract herself. Going into the office was out of the question, as she knew Harvey and Katrina would be there preparing for a trial set to start Monday, and seeing Harvey was exactly the opposite of what she needed.

She put on some leggings and an old sweatshirt, pulled on her sneakers and headed out the door. Before she fully realized what she was doing, she was running towards Central Park, a collection of Broadway's greatest hits blasting in her ears.

She was fit, long and lean with toned muscles from years of pilates and barre classes, but she'd never been a runner. Less than two miles in and her labored breathing reminded her of that, but she kept going, hoping that if she pushed her body to the point of total exhaustion and just focused on putting one foot in front of the other her brain would finally shut off.

The entire cast recording of _Hamilton_ later and she found herself coming to a stop in a secluded area of the park, between a couple of large trees. Breathless, she collapsed against one of the trunks, tilting her head back until it made contact and closing her eyes. She took a few deep breaths to fill her lungs with the oxygen she'd been depriving them of.

As she sat, she willed her mind to just shut off. There were so many conflicting thoughts swirling around up there she felt like they were tripping over one another - barely giving her time to process one before another tumbled in. It didn't help that she could feel her anxiety spiking - a small ball in the bit of her stomach quickly turning into a boulder ready to roll through her veins, leaving her paralyzed. She wouldn't be able to control her anxiety until she could get a handle on the situation, and she wouldn't be able to get a handle on the situation until her thoughts would slow down and give her a _goddamn minute_ to sort through them all.

Later in the day, after another shower and attempt to scrub and vacuum the ghosts of Harveys-past out of her apartment, she found herself on her way to Grace's townhouse, bottles of wine in hand. She knew what she needed, and it was the type of therapy only her sisters were able to provide.

Practically pounding on the front door, she tapped her foot impatiently as she waited on Grace. When the door _finally_ swung open, she was met not just by Grace, but by Claire as well. She could hear the muffled noises of both of their children in the distance and felt her heart sink ever so slightly. She knew the two of them got their kids together without her, and it didn't bother her, but now, in this moment, it was yet another reminder of all the things she didn't have.

"Donna, wh- what are you doing here?" Grace asked.

Before Donna could answer, Claire jumped in.

"Well, clearly she's got a problem, Grace, she's holding six bottles of wine."

Giving her younger sister a shove that bumped her slightly into the doorframe, Grace practically hissed back at her, "shut up, Claire!"

Donna looked back and forth between her two sisters, trying to figure out how to put words to everything that she was feeling. Before she could, though, her emotions got the best of her and she felt hot tears prickling in her eyes and spilling down her face.

Her sisters moved towards her as one, catching her in their arms as she choked back sobs.

"I - Harvey - James - help me," was all she managed to get out as they ushered her into the townhouse and up the stairs to Grace's room. As they walked, Claire called out to her husband, who was camped out in the living room with Grace's husband, watching a game on TV while the kids played in the sunroom.

"Craig? Can you take the kids back to our apartment? We're gonna need a bit!"

Over the years, Donna had had a handful of friends she'd felt comfortable crying in front of, Rachel being one of them - but they were few and far between. Even with Rachel though, she'd never felt comfortable being as open and raw as she was with her sisters. Moments like this, with them, were the only time Donna allowed herself to be really vulnerable, to really breakdown and let everything out. After everything the trio had been through with their parents' divorce, this kind of vulnerability and unconditional support had become a cornerstone of their relationship - they saw each other at their worst, picked each other up from rock bottom, and built each other up into stronger versions of themselves. It was what they did for one another and, in this moment, it was what Donna really needed.

After depositing Donna on the floor of the bathroom, back resting against the tub, Claire grabbed a blanket off the end of Grace's bed and draped it across her lap. She reached to the counter to grab a box of tissues and began wiping the tears from Donna's eyes as they continued to fall. Behind her, Grace removed the bottles of wine from the bags Donna had brought them in and lined them up on the edge of the bathtub.

"Do we need glasses?" Grace asked, as she settled herself against the wall across from the tub, Claire taking her place next to Donna.

Slumping down farther into the floor, Donna sighed as she reached for the bottle closest to her.

"Not today."

"Alright, let me just get a cork-"

"They're twist off," Donna said as she broke the seal and took a long swig, before setting it down and passing a bottle each to Claire and Grace.

They followed her lead, breaking the seal and taking a sip. They sat in silence for a couple minutes as Donna took several more sips and wiped away more tears as they continued to fall. Finally, Grace set her bottle down next to her, and focused her attention on Donna.

"So," she started, using her foot to gently nudge Donna's leg, "are you going to sit here and drink in silence, or are you going to let us in on what's going on?"

Grace's bathroom floor and bottles of wine. It was what they did; they drank until they were drunk enough that the tears and the true feelings came. It wasn't exactly healthy, but it worked for them. Their mom had always said that drunk words were sober thoughts and the three of them had spoken some of their best and truest words on the floor of Grace's bathroom.

Donna took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a couple seconds. She didn't really know where to start, but she knew it didn't really matter. She just needed to start talking, let everything out that had been confided to the back of her brain for the last week, and hope that her sisters, and the wine, would be able to help her make sense of it all.

After a couple more sips of liquid courage, Donna sighed, and let it all come spilling out. She let them in on the realization she'd had earlier that week in her office about Harvey and James, and the dreams she'd had every night since. How, the few times she'd been intimate with James since, she'd pictered Harvey, even though she did everything she could not to. How she could hardly look him in the eye anymore without feeling ashamed and embarrassed about everything going on inside her head. How, despite her behavior - their short conversations and her quick escapes in the morning - he was still the same wonderful, compassionate man she'd enjoyed being with the past six months, which only made her feel worse. And how she could barely look at Harvey without her mind wandering to all the things he'd done to her in her dreams. She knew he'd caught her blushing a couple times, but she was thankful he'd had the tact to not call her out on it. She'd probably spent more time avoiding run ins with him in the halls and distancing herself from him in meetings than she'd spent doing work that week and it was exhausting.

By the time she finished talking, the bottle of wine next to her was nearly empty and the hairs near her face were damp from the tears that continued to fall. Claire reached for Donna's hand, which was resting on the floor between them, holding it between both of her own and resting it on her thigh. Grace moved from her spot opposite the two of them and sat down on Donna's other side, Donna's head falling to rest on her older sister's shoulder.

"Oh honey," Claire breathed, as she traced circles on the top of Donna's hand with her thumb. Grace reached behind her, broke the seal on another bottle of wine and passed it to Donna.

"You were right," Donna sighed, looking at Claire in between sips.

"About what?" Grace asked.

"James," Donna sighed, "he's the perfect guy; he's everything I want, but he's not -," she paused, wiping away a couple more tears.

"Harvey," Claire finished for her.

"And he loves me, and I want to love him back; I want to love him back so much it physically hurts, but I just can't bring myself to say it. Because he's not -"

"Harvey," Grace concluded.

Donna didn't respond, instead bending her knees and pulling her legs to her chest, wrapping her arms around them. She dropped her head between her legs as her tears started to fall harder. Behind her, Grace and Claire exchanged glances, if they were being honest, they both knew that they'd end up here one day - with Donna trying to come to terms with the feelings for Harvey she'd been repressing for years, but it broke both of their hearts to see how much it was destroying her.

"So," Claire started, "Harvey."

"You love him," Grace said plainly, as Donna brought her head back to rest on her shoulder, knees still pulled to her chest.

"Unfortunately," Donna breathed, which caused both her sisters to smile. "Right now, I really fucking hate him for putting me through this shit, but yes, I love him. I always have, I think, and as hard as I've tried to pretend I don't, or ignore it, or whatever, I just - I can't."

"What now?" Claire asked, hoping she wasn't pressing Donna too hard.

"I really, _really_ don't know," Donna sighed, stretching her legs out in front of her. "Either I stay with James, keep wishing he was Harvey, and hate myself doing that to such a good man. Or I break up with James, go back to being single, and hate myself for being so pathetically in love with someone who's made it pretty clear he doesn't want to be with me."

"How do you know?" Grace asked.

"Know what?"

"Know that he doesn't want to be with you," she finished.

"Because he told me."

Grace paused, she hadn't known what she was expecting Donna to say, but she hadn't expected such a cut and dry response, especially considering the ambiguity that surrounded all things Harvey and Donna.

"I mean," Donna breathed, "not in those words. But when I kissed him he made me promise that I'd never do it again. And that told me all I needed to know."

"But did he kiss you back?" Claire asked.

"I," Donna paused, taking a moment to remember the kiss, the way his lips felt when they met hers. She hadn't even thought about that and honestly, she wasn't sure. "I really don't know."

Donna looked back and forth between her sisters, considering the question further. _How had she not thought about that_ , she asked herself. She'd been so caught up in the fallout from the kiss that she hadn't dwelled too much on the kiss itself, except, of course, for her own realization that it made her feel everything.

"He - he may have?" Donna continued, "but if he did, how do I know he wasn't just reacting on instinct?"

Grace rolled her eyes, "Dee, if you don't want someone who's kissing you to be kissing you, it's pretty easy to not kiss them back," she said matter-of-factly. "Go downstairs and kiss my husband and let me know how he reacts."

Donna laughed and nudged her sister's side, "Gigi, that's _not_ the same thing. So he may have kissed me back, but -"

"Donna, so help me God if you say 'but that doesn't mean anything' I am going to chuck you out this window," Claire retorted, passing her the bottle of wine she'd just opened.

"But," Donna started to argue, "if it _did_ mean something, wouldn't something have changed? After he broke up with Paula? Or after Mike and Rachel's wedding?"

"From all you've told us about him, Donna," Grace started, "when has Harvey ever made a decision about his feelings without you there to guide him through it?"

Donna sighed, knowing Grace was right. But this time, it was different. This time, it was her feelings at stake too, and she couldn't trust herself to not let them interfere.

"You know I can't tell him how to feel on this one," Donna explained, tears once again starting to spill down her now dry face, " I can't risk confusing what he's actually feeling with what I want him to be feeling."

"No, you can't," Claire sighed, "but you need to tell him how _you're_ feeling. And make him talk to you. Use your feelings to make him confront his own. You're Donna, he's Harvey, you can do that."

"Claire's right, Dee," Grace said, "you need to tell him. Yeah, it's going to be awkward, it's going to be uncomfortable, probably a little painful even, and you need to realize you may not get the answer you're after, but you need to talk to him. You're never going to be able to move on until you clear the air, get everything out in the open, and put words to all the assumptions you've both been holding on to for years."

As the three of them settled into Grace's king-sized bed, her husband exiled to the guest room for the night, Donna thought about what her sisters had said. Yeah, she knew that talking to Harvey and telling him how she felt was what she _should_ do; if someone else were in her position that's what she'd be telling them to do, but anxiety washed over her body like a tidal wave at the mere thought of that conversation. She couldn't imagine how he'd react, but she knew it wouldn't be great, considering she promised him she'd never go there again. And she couldn't stand to make him angry like that. She couldn't lose him completely, couldn't go back to the times when he treated her like a stranger. So, she decided, as she snuggled between her sisters preparing for what was sure to be her best night's sleep in awhile, she'd stay with James as long as he'd have her, until he made her choose between him and Harvey. It was selfish, she knew, but she wasn't getting any younger and she was sick and tired of being alone, and when she thought about it, she'd rather be with the wrong person than with no one at all.

Harvey brought his hand to his brow as his eyes adjusted to the bright afternoon sunlight reflecting off the buildings. It was Sunday afternoon and he'd been cooped up in his office practically all weekend putting final details on a trial strategy he and Katrina had been working on for the better part of a year. He stood at the intersection, waiting for the light to change so he could cross the street and grab a much needed coffee and bagel when he noticed a petite, brunette woman crossing the side street and walking towards him. _She looks familiar_ he thought, squinting to get a better look. He shook his head as she got closer, sure his mind was playing tricks on him.

"Harvey," the woman said, stopping in front of him.

"Scottie," he replied, slightly stunned to see her.

"What are you - " he started, trying his best to ask the question without sounding like a complete jackass, as he really was curious. Last he'd heard, she was planning to move to Boston to join a firm started by one of their Harvard classmates.

"-doing here?" she finished, interrupting him. "Don't worry, I'm not here for a case against you. My um - boyfriend lives a couple blocks from here and I'm on my way to meet him. Running into you was a complete coincidence, I promise."

"What happened to Boston?"

"I turned it down," she said simply, "turns out there _are_ more important things than getting your name on the wall."

"That's great, Scottie," he said, smiling, "I'm happy for you." And he was, he really was. He'd always felt bad for how things ended romantically between them, and was glad to hear that he hadn't completely ruined things for her. He'd told her before that he cared about her, and he still did - not in the way he once thought those words meant - but she was one of his oldest friends, and he always wanted the best for her.

"What about you, Harvey?" she asked, crossing her arms and tilting her head to one side, "how are things with Donna?"

"With - Donna?" Harvey asked, thinking he knew what she meant by her question, but really hoping he was wrong.

"Well," she began, shifting her weight from one foot to the other, "based on our last conversation, it was pretty clear that she was the reason things didn't work out with your therapist - Pam, or whatever her name was. So I'm assuming you two finally got your shit together and are together now. Am I wrong?"

"She's seeing someone else," he replied shortly, hoping that answer would put an end to the conversation he really didn't want to be having, especially with her.

"Are you _fucking_ kidding me, Harvey?!"

"Yeah, some finance guy named James who's friends with Louis' sister. She met him at their Hanukkah party. It's serious," he sighed, eyes glancing downward, "she's probably going to marry him."

Scottie didn't respond immediately, just stood in front of him, arms still crossed and eyes laser focused on him.

"Listen Scottie," he started, prepared to make a hasty exit back to the firm, resigned to go without the bagel and coffee he'd come out for, "it was great to see you, but I really need to -"

"No Harvey," she interrupted, bringing her hand to his forearm and turning him back to face her, "you listen to me."

"Scottie -"

"Donna loves you," she said simply, looking up at him trying to gauge his response to her words. "I'd be the first to admit that you're a hard person to love, but that woman has been doing just that every day for as long as I've known her, probably much to her chagrin most of the time."

"Scottie, stop," he said, sighing, "she's with someone else, she's happy with him."

"Harvey, if she's with someone else now, it's because she's trying to move on, or get over you, or because she thinks you don't want the same thing. But if you ever get the chance - if she ever _gives_ you the chance, you should do something about it."

"Scottie, you know I would never -"

"I know, Harvey," she breathed, interrupting him again, "I'm not saying you need to mess with her relationship, but if the opportunity ever presents itself, don't waste it. And you better do a hell of a lot better than 'I want you in my life' this time," she added, giving him a playful shove as she says those last words, which brings a half hearted smile to his face.

"How do you know all this?" he asked, trying not to get excited at the possibility that her words could be true.

"I asked her once, point blank, if she was in love with you. It was back when Darby was at the firm and I was trying to make things work with us. She denied it, but she paused, and she just had this look on her face, almost like she was trying to convince herself she wasn't, not just me."

Just then, her phone started to ring. Pulling it out of her pocket, she looked down at it before looking back up at him.

"Ah, I've got to go, but it was good to see you Harvey. And please, just think about what I said. Life is _not_ long - as much as you like to tell yourself it is."

And with that, and a quick, loose hug goodbye she was gone, her petite frame quickly swallowed up into the busy New York City streets. Harvey stood there, shocked not just by the conversation he'd just had, but also who he'd had it with. It wasn't until his own phone rang, Katrina asking him what was taking him so long - if he was out growing his own coffee beans - that he was brought back to reality. As he walked back to the office, he stored the conversation in the back of his brain, making a half hearted promise to himself to revisit it in a future session with Lipschitz.

It was several weeks later and Donna and James were in her apartment getting ready for a formal event at the firm. They were celebrating one year of Zane Specter Litt Wheeler Williams and Donna and Louis had spared no expense to make it a memorable evening.

At home, though, Donna had been focusing all her efforts on getting her relationship with James back on track, and keeping Harvey as far away from it as possible. Yes, she still hadn't surprised him with her own "I love you," but she was working up to it - as least that's what she kept telling herself. She decided instead, to _show_ him how she felt; being extra attentive to him in bed, surprising him with lunch during a slow work day, suggesting date nights she knew he'd enjoy.

She knew her sisters weren't thrilled that she hadn't taken their advice, but they were being supportive of her attempt to make things work with James. They all had a good time when Donna had them over for dinner with James again, Grace inviting him to her twins' 5th birthday party. He'd met her sisters' husbands at that party, and it didn't go horribly. All things considered, Donna was taking that as a win.

And Harvey, well, she was working on it. His appearances in her dreams were becoming less and less frequent and she was limiting interactions with him at the office to strictly business. She didn't bring him coffee in the morning, didn't seek out his company when working late, and even had his secretary take their annual Del Posto dinner off his calendar. If he'd noticed that little change, he hadn't said anything.

Despite all that, though, she would be lying if she said that part of her wasn't dreading bringing James to the event. Not because she didn't want to spend time with him, but because she couldn't stand another run-in between him and Harvey. It took her nearly a month to get over the last one, and the last thing she needed was to hit that particular brand of rock bottom again. Still, her colleagues would be expecting to see him and she figured it'd be less exhausting to spend the entire evening avoiding Harvey than repeatedly explaining to those who asked why James wasn't by her side.

As they rode the elevator up to the 50th floor, Donna exhaled a long breath. James grabbed her hand that was resting between them and gave it a squeeze. He angled his face towards hers and planted a quick kiss on her cheek before whispering in her ear.

"Don't be nervous, tonight's going to be great."

Donna turned towards him, a small smile spreading across her face. _If only he knew it wasn't the party I'm nervous about_ , she thought, shaking her head slightly.

"Thanks," she breathed, just as the elevator door dinged open.

After some small talk and quick introductions between James and some of the associates gathered in the lobby, Donna guided him deeper into the firm. Her hand was firmly clasped in his as they wove through the crowds of people and she wasn't sure if she was holding so tightly because she actually needed him to ground her, or because she just wanted people to think she did.

A little while later, James found himself standing at the bar as he watched Donna work the room, engaging colleagues, clients, and prospective clients alike in conversation. He was lost in thought nursing a glass of scotch when the arrival of a petite brunette woman at the bar broke him out of his daydream.

"What is it with lawyers at this firm and scotch?" she asked, gesturing towards his glass, "is it like a prerequisite of working here or something?"

"Oh," he started, turning to face her, "I'm not a lawyer, but I could ask you the same question," he finished, gesturing to the nearly identical glass in her hand.

"Jokes on you then," she said, leaning against the bar, "I don't work here anymore."

"But you used to though?" he asked.

"For a bit a couple years ago", she said, placing her glass on the bar and reaching for a handful of peanuts, "but it turns out having your college boyfriend as your boss is bad for business."

James sighed and gave her a small smile as he turned to look out at the party. In a corner of the room, he noticed Donna and Harvey engaged in what looked like a hushed, but tense conversation - probably about client business, he thought.

"What's the deal with the two of them?" he asked, gesturing to the pair in the corner.

"Who? Harvey and Donna?" she let out a breathy laugh as she said their names, "how much time do you have?"

"What do you mean?"

"It's - they're complicated," she admitted.

"How?"

"They've been working together forever - basically since the start of both of their careers. They have this ridiculously infuriating codependent relationship, like - if Donna killed someone and asked Harvey help her hide the body, he'd do it, no questions asked."

Scottie paused, taking a second to gauge the man's reaction. She had no idea who he was, or why he was asking, and part of her felt bad for being so candid with him. She decided to continue though, knowing what she was about to say wasn't any worse than the rumors that had been flying around the firm, and the entire New York legal community, about the pair of them for years. She figured he'd heard those, and was looking to her to either confirm or deny.

"They fight like an old married couple and are at each other's throats half the time but - they're a team. They just _work._ And everyone who works here can see they're so helplessly in love with one another; except they're too stupid, or blind, or stubborn to admit it."

"Huh," James breathed, nodding his head slightly as he absorbed all that Scottie was telling him.

"Harvey told me a couple weeks ago that Donna's seeing someone, and he thinks it's serious, but I know it's not going to last. They've never been able to make it work with anyone else because, well, they're soulmates. I just hope they realize it soon because fifteen years of this shit is a long damn time and no one's getting any younger."

Downing the last of his scotch and setting the glass down on the bar, he turned towards her.

"Well, thank you. You've been very - informative."

"Anytime," she said, smiling and extending her hand to shake his before realizing he'd never introduced himself.

"James," he said, extending his own hand to meet hers.

"Scottie," she replied.

As the night came to an end, Scottie found herself in conversation with several Harvard classmates she hadn't seen in years. As the crowds thinned, she glanced around the lobby, hoping to find someone she knew so she could use them as an excuse to exit the current conversation, which had switched to babies and birthday parties and she had absolutely no interest.

As her eyes continued to wander, she saw Donna with someone - presumably the man she was seeing - on her arm heading towards the elevators. The pair turned to say goodnight to Louis and Sheila, and as they did, she gasped. The man with Donna was the man she'd met at the bar - the man she'd told that Donna's current relationship had no future.

Before she could even start to feel bad or embarrassed about what she'd said, she thought that it might be for the best that he knew. God knows, she'd have appreciated someone telling her that she and Harvey were never going to make it before she spent too many years and bottles of wine to count trying to fit a very square peg in a very round hole.

James was quiet during the ride back to his apartment, where they'd decided to spend the night. Donna was used to comfortable silence between them, but this was different, he seemed tense, and she wasn't sure what could be causing it. His silence remained as they arrived at his apartment and got ready for bed. She could feel her anxiety growing as a result of his uncharacteristic behavior - usually he was the chatty one and she was quiet - but she wasn't sure what to say to break the ice.

Finally, while she was in the bathroom brushing her teeth, he came to stand in the doorway. Leaning against one side and crossing his arms across his chest, he broke the silence.

"I just need to know, are you ever going to say it?"

Startled both by his sudden presence and his question, she coughed, the water and toothpaste in her mouth spilling out and dribbling down her chin. She stood up straight and grabbed a washcloth, wiping her face clean before responding.

"What," she paused, trying to get a read on his expression, trying to understand if he was angry, hurt, frustrated, or some combination of the three, "are you talking about?"

"I've told you I love you, Donna. I think I've made it abundantly clear how I feel about you. But I just want to know, are you ever going to be able to say it back?

"James," she started, taking a step backwards and leaning against the counter. She wasn't sure where his insecurity was coming from. He'd always been so confident, so self-assured, and his departure from that was making her anxious. She brought her hands behind her to rest on the counter, steadying herself. She closed her eyes and breathed a slow exhale.

"You don't need to say it tomorrow, or even next week, Donna," he continued, "but I just want to know, do I make you happy?"

"I -," she paused, closing her eyes again, realizing she had no idea how to respond to his question.

"Am I wasting my time here?"

His tone wasn't accusatory, and she knew he wasn't trying to force her hand, but just the subject of their conversation made it feel like the walls were closing in on her, the room was growing narrower and narrower and her only escape was getting farther and farther away from her. She knew that she needed to move _now_ or she'd be rooted to the spot for the foreseeable future.

Before taking a step though, she glanced up at him and took in his expression. He looked sad and a bit deflated; a complete 180 from the content and excited expression he was wearing earlier in the night. It hit her then - something must have happened at the party. Someone must have said something to him about her, about _them_. And she could only think of one person brazen and selfish enough to go there.

"No, you're not but -," she paused, standing up and leaving the bathroom. She quickly gathered her purse and coat and reached into his closet for a pair of tennis shoes she'd left there last weekend. Turning to him before leaving the bedroom, she continued.

"I'm sorry, I can't stay here tonight - I have to go."

He sank down into the corner of his couch, glass of scotch in hand. With the soft jazz music playing in the background, his eyes fluttered closed and he dozed off. He wasn't sure how long he'd been asleep when he was awoken by a pounding on his door.

Setting his glass down on the counter, he moved to open it, wondering who it could possibly be this late at night. As he swung the door open, he was surprised to see who stood on the other side.

"Donna -" he started as she pushed past him into the apartment, moving to stand in the middle of his living room.

As she turned to face him, he could tell she was angry, but about what, he wasn't sure. Still, he couldn't help the small smile that spread across his face as he took her in. She was wearing leggings and an oversized sweatshirt, her hair was twisted into a loose bun on the top of her head, her face scrubbed free of the dramatic makeup she was wearing earlier in the evening, and she was wearing glasses. He'd seen casual Donna before, but the glasses were a new addition and he couldn't help but think how good they looked on her.

"What the _hell_ did you do, Harvey?"

"Donna, I have no idea what you're talking about."

And he didn't, he genuinely had no clue. Usually, when Donna said something along those lines, he knew it was coming, knew he had skirted some rule or took something too far and was just biding his time until she came and called him on his bullshit. He racked his brain to think about what she could mean, and what would be so important to address at this hour, but he came up empty.

"You did something, said something, to James tonight, didn't you?" she practically spat at him from across the room.

"Donna, what?" he asked "I barely saw the man all night. Besides, you know I'd never mess with your relationship."

"Do I?" she asked defensively, crossing her arms across her chest.

"Donna," he said, his voice relaxed and level as he took a tentative step towards her, hoping to calm her down, "yes, I want you to be happy. I'd never do anything to mess with that."

She didn't respond, just continued to stare at him, arms crossed, eyes practically shooting out laser beams at him.

"Are you -," he paused, knowing, given her current state, that the question was probably risky, but continued anyways, "are you happy?"

"Oh my god," she yelled, uncrossing her arms and dropping them by her side, raising her hands slightly out to either side, "I'm getting really fucking tired of people asking me that question."

By her reaction, he understood that whatever was making her so upset was more than whatever was or wasn't said to James that night. He didn't know what was wrong, but wanted to help her in whatever way he could. He hated seeing her this upset, especially when he didn't know what to do to comfort her.

"Donna, what can I do?" he asked, taking another small step towards her. "How can I help?"

"Don't even, Harvey," she said, her voice a bit calmer now. "You've done enough."

"Donna, I'm sorry." He figured apologizing was the least he could do, even though he still wasn't sure what had gotten her so worked up.

She didn't respond immediately. Insead, she walked to the other side of his couch to the side table where his scotch decanter sat and helped herself to a glass. She took a few deep breaths and Harvey noticed that she seemed calmer now, over the initial burst of anger that had brought her to his apartment.

"Donna, please. Just let me know what I can do."

"You know what you can do Harvey?" she said as she leaned against the back of his couch, not even making an effort to mask the sarcasm and disdain in her voice. "You can get the hell out of my head and let me fall in love with him."

Harvey hadn't really known what he'd expected her to say, but he certainly wasn't expecting to hear the words she'd just spoken. He felt like he'd just been slapped in the face and was sure his facial expression matched the hollow feeling in his gut.

Donna, too, was surprised by what she'd just said, and immediately blamed the amount of alcohol coursing through her veins, both from the event at the firm and the glass of scotch she'd just drank in a few gulps, for her bluntness. But she couldn't take it back now. Maybe what she needed was to let it all out, tell him how much she hated him for making her love him so much, how she would give anything to get over him and be happy in her relationship with someone who actually wants to be with her. After a few deep breaths, she prepared to let the floodgates open.

"He's a catch, Harvey, he's kind, and affectionate, and smart, and so thoughtful. And he _wants_ to be with me, he loves me and I just can't - , because I -, because you -"

She paused, took a breath, and shifted her gaze down to the floor, knowing the second she made eye contact with him all of her courage would be gone and she wouldn't be able to keep talking.

"And I'm so fucking tired. Tired of coming home to an empty apartment, tired of not having someone to celebrate the little things with, tired of watching Grace and Claire get closer and leave me behind because I can't relate to them on things like marriage and motherhood."

As she spoke, she felt tears spill from her eyes and drip down her cheeks. She hated that she was crying, especially about this, and in front of Harvey. She moved her hand to her face and quickly wiped them away, hoping he didn't see.

But he did see them, and it pulled on something inside him to see her so upset. He knew she just needed to get whatever she was feeling out, so he said nothing, just took a small step closer to her and waited for her to continue.

"I _hate_ that despite everything you've done, despite how awful you've been to me, how much shit you put me through in just the last year - you're everywhere. And I want to hate you, I want to hate you so much, but I just can't. And I _really_ hate that."

She finished, letting out a long exhale and bringing her hand to her cheek to wipe away the few more tears that had fallen. She was sure that nothing she'd just said made any sense to him - she could barely follow it herself, but she said what she needed to say. She dared to look up at him, her need to make sure he was ok annoyingly outweighing the need to protect herself.

He stood halfway across the room, looking utterly confused. His eyes were wide, searching her own for answers, and his mouth was slightly agape. She could tell that his mind was spinning - he wanted to say something, wanted to ask her a question, but didn't know where to start.

She stared at him, willing him to say something - anything - to break the silence. She'd laid her cards on the table and needed to know his reaction before she made her next move. The longer the silence went on, the more the feelings of anxiety rose from the pit of her stomach into her throat and down her arms. Every second that passed brought her a second closer to running out the door and never looking back.

Finally, he spoke. She heard him draw in a breath and saw his feet take a couple steps across the floor, bringing him closer to her position on the back of the couch.

"Donna, I - I don't know what to say."

And it was true. They both knew words and feeling weren't his strong suit, but he hoped she'd appreciate the fact that he'd chosen to not really say anything rather than risk saying the wrong thing and bringing back the anger she'd had when she arrived at his apartment.

But, judging from the way she turned her head away from him, rolled her eyes, and coughed out a laugh, he realized that somehow he'd still managed to say the wrong thing.

"Screw you, Harvey," she deadpanned as she pushed herself to standing and made her way to the door, "I just told you all that, and _that's_ the best you can do?"

"Donna," he all but pleaded as she walked by him, bumping his shoulder slightly.

"No, really, Harvey. What more do I need to do before you get it?"

She turned around as she reached the door, finding him right behind her. She was going to leave it at that, but figured what the hell, she'd already hit rock bottom with her yelling, confessions, and tears that night, why not keep on falling.

"I kiss you, you ignore it. I dance with you for hours at our best friends' wedding, you ignore it, I tell you I can't fall in love with my boyfriend because I can't stop thinking about you, you don't know what to say."

Once again, her eyes are laser focused on his and knows he needs to get his response right or this could really be it for them, the point of no return where he'd lose her, not just as a friend, but probably as a colleague as well. And the thought of that made him want to drop to his knees.

"But, you said you didn't feel anything."

"I lied," she said shortly, and before he could respond, she'd turned on her heel and the door was slamming in his face, her on the other side of it.

"I want more," he breathed, the echo of his words ringing through his empty apartment.

 **Thanks for reading! As always, please let me know what you think and leave a review!**


	4. Chapter 4

_**Author's Note: Here it is, the last chapter of this little fic that grew into something bigger than I ever imagined when I had the initial idea on a plane back from a work trip! Thank you so much to everyone who read and reviewed, I hope you enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed writing.**_

 _ **I'll be back soon with more stories!**_

* * *

Harvey staggered backward into his apartment, ears still ringing and heart still racing from Donna's words. Coming into his kitchen, he rested his palms on the counter and leaned forward, his breath slow and labored. He closed his eyes and focused; focused on breathing in and breathing out and working to return both his breath and heartbeat to a regular cadence to ward off the beginnings of a panic attack that he could feel rumbling in his abdomen.

He wanted to chase after Donna, wanted to run to her and tell her that he wanted more, wanted everything with her. All this time, he'd thought that keeping his distance, swallowing his feelings, and letting her pursue a relationship with someone that wasn't him was what he needed to do to make her happy. He'd resigned himself to loving her from a distance because when it came down to it, he'd choose her happiness over his own any day. But as he watched her come undone in front of him, heard her tell him how unhappy and confused she was in her current relationship, he realized how wrong he'd been.

Downing two glasses of water in a row, his breathing and heart rate now returned to normal, Harvey realized that despite his burning desire to see Donna right then and continue the conversation they'd been having, he still wasn't sure what he wanted to say to her, what she wanted him to say.

He sat down on his couch, his mind still playing and replaying everything Donna had said to him, when suddenly he remembered his conversation with Scottie from a couple weeks before. It hit him that the current situation was exactly the opportunity she had told him he needed to take. Obviously, she was right - it was what Donna deserved. He knew that emotions were heightened right now, and despite how much he wanted to do it that night, and in person, he couldn't risk either of their feelings getting the best of them and pushing them farther in the wrong direction, so he did what he thought was the next best thing.

Moving into his office, he pulled out paper and pen from his desk drawer, he sat down and started writing. He still wasn't sure if he'd ever give her what he was about to write or just use it as a script to guide a future conversation. All that mattered in the moment was putting pen to paper and putting everything he was feeling into words.

* * *

Donna had never been more thankful to wake and realize it was a Sunday morning in her entire life. After everything that had happened in the past 24 hours, the mere thought of going to work and facing Harvey made her want to burrow deep under her covers and never leave. She stretched her arms over her head and opened her eyes, sunlight streaming into her bedroom through the crack in her curtains. Sitting up and leaning against the headboard she rubbed her eyes, dry and crusty from the tears she'd shed as she fell asleep the night before. She sighed and bit her lip, holding back more tears as the memories of the night before - especially her near breakdown in Harvey's apartment - came flooding back to her.

What she really wanted was to spend the day in bed with her sisters, eating tubs of ice cream, watching awful reality TV, and ignoring her problems. But she knew that her sisters would take one look and her and be able to tell that something was off, that something had happened. They'd press her and she wouldn't be able to lie to them. And right now, the last thing she wanted was to rehash everything she'd just been through, especially since the conversation was likely to end in a 'we told you so' in one form or another.

Instead, she hoisted herself out of bed and headed to her kitchen. She put on a large pot of coffee and while she waited for it to brew she located her phone. Without allowing herself to check for any messages she turned it off and shoved it deep into her desk drawer, convincing herself that if she ignored her problems and the people causing them, they'd go away.

Several episodes of _Real Housewives of New York_ and an entire tub of chunky monkey later, Donna was startled by a knocking on her door. As she moved to answer it, she prayed to whatever God would listen that she wouldn't find Harvey or James on the other side. She wanted to be fully armored up when she spoke with both of them, and she hadn't yet had the mental capacity to think through how she wanted those conversations to go.

The universe must have a sick sense of humor, she thought, as she opened her door and saw James on the other side. What she really wanted to do was close the door in his face, pretend she'd never seen him and return to her Bravo marathon on the couch. But, she realized with a sigh, she'd been awful to him the night before and the least she could do now was show the man some decency and let him in.

"Donna," he said as he closed the door and took a couple steps toward her. "Are you ok? I called and texted you but you didn't answer. I was worried."

They walked into her kitchen and Donna moved to the far side of the counter, using it to put some physical distance between them. She had no idea why he was here or what he wanted, but she knew she owed it to him to hear him out.

"I turned my phone off," she said simply in answer to his question.

He leaned forward on the other side of the counter and took a moment to study her appearance. Donna saw what he was doing and for a second, almost felt embarrassed at her current state; fuzzy socks pulled up over her leggings, an old, oversized Johns Hopkins School of Medicine sweatshirt Claire had worn while pregnant that Donna eventually stole, hair flopped messily on top of her head, and glasses on. James had seen her dressed casually plenty of times before, but this was a step beyond. If he was surprised by her appearance, he did a good job of hiding it.

"You're upset," he said plainly. It wasn't a question.

Donna took a deep breath and closed her eyes. He certainly wasn't wasting any time continuing their conversation from the previous night. The obvious answer was _yes_ but she really didn't want to go over the details with him. Yes, his questions the night before had upset her, but if she was being honest with herself, which, she figured it was time to finally start, she was mostly upset with herself for letting things get this bad, this messy. Before she could come up with an adequate response though, he spoke again.

"I'm sorry, Donna, I really am, and I wish this wasn't happening, especially because you're already upset, but I think -" he paused, suddenly tripping over his words, unsure how to say what he wanted, _needed_ to say without upsetting her further.

"You're breaking up with me," she said, finishing his thought for him. Again, it wasn't a question.

He sighed, wanting to reach for her hands resting on her side of the counter, but he didn't. He didn't want to further complicate a situation that was already hard for him to navigate.

"I'm sorry, Donna, but yes. I can see that you're trying, really trying to make things work between us, but you're not happy. I love you, Donna, and the fact that I can see you so plainly fighting with yourself to make this work makes me love you even more. But," he paused looking up at her to see her eyes watering, a couple tears threatening to spill down her cheeks. "I can't be selfish. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I kept stringing you along."

"James," she breathed. Daring to look up at him, knowing the second she did the tears would fall. It wasn't so much that she was sad about the breakup, she knew that after everything that had happened the night before it was more or less inevitable, but it was just another punch to the gut. A small smile spread across her face as she wiped the tears away. Even in ending a relationship, he was perfect; putting her happiness before his own, and choosing his words carefully so he wouldn't upset her. It broke her heart a little bit that she wasn't able to give him what he deserved.

"You deserve a great love Donna; a love so deep that makes you feel every emotion so strongly, so passionately that, when you're with that person, you can't imagine how you could have ever considered loving someone else."

This time, it was Donna who reached across the counter and grabbed his hands. Even though things were ending between them, she felt an urge to be close to him, to let him know that despite it all, she did care about him.

"I can tell that's not me, Donna, and that's ok. We can't help who we love so please, don't beat yourself up over this. Choose to be happy."

"James," she began, taking a breath and lifting her hand from his for a second to wipe away more tears that had fallen before placing it back on top of his. She looked into his eyes and could see that they were moist. She hated herself a little bit for causing such a good person such pain. "I do love you, you know. You're incredibly kind, you're thoughtful, you're ambitious, and you have such a good heart. You don't know how much it kills me that I can't love you in the way that you love me, in the way that you deserve to be loved."

Neither spoke for several seconds, James soaking up the words that Donna had just said while they stood with their hands resting together on the counter. Finally, Donna moved to his side and stood in front of him. As far as breakups go, this was by far the calmest one she'd ever had, there was no yelling, no fighting, just two adults making a mature decision to end their time together. She was sad, of course, because James really was a good man, and in another world, he very possibly could have been _the one_ , but part of her was also relieved. Yes, she was back to being single, but she no longer had to hate herself for lying to someone who never deserved that.

She looked up at him, a tentative smile spreading across her face, an identical one eventually forming on his. He dropped his hand from hers and reached up to tuck a stray strand of hair behind her ear.

"I'm always going to think the world of you, Donna."

She smiled a bit wider as she brought her hands to rest on his shoulders. "Me too, James. I hope you find someone who loves you as fully as you love them."

And then, after a kiss to her forehead and a quick hug, he was gone.

* * *

Donna arrived at the office the next morning late by her standards, but still before most people would be in. She'd spent the entire night tossing and turning, the anxiety about seeing Harvey building up inside of her as her mind went through scenario after scenario of how their conversation could turn out - each iteration more awful than the next. Despite the fact that she'd gotten forty-five minutes of sleep, if that, she was absolutely wired. While getting ready that morning, she'd downed three cups of coffee and picked up another one on the way into the office. She knew that the coffee was doing nothing to lessen the anxiety coursing through her veins, but she needed the caffeine get through the morning.

On her way to her office, she passed Katrina's and was surprised to find it empty. No matter how early she got in, it was rare for her to get there before Katrina. It was then that she remembered she and Harvey started trial that morning and they'd likely be out of the office for the entire week. The trial had been pushed back from its initial start date a few weeks before because of a technicality the other side used to delay, which annoyed Harvey to no end, but the court date was finally set for this week. Donna let out a huge sigh and was so relieved she almost started crying. She entered her office with a renewed spirit; she'd be able to bury her feelings from the weekend in the back of her brain and distract herself with work, without Harvey's looming presence serving as a constant reminder.

As she sat down, though, the promise of a Harvey-free day was short lived as her eyes came to rest on an envelope in the center of her desk, her name scrawled across the front in his distinctive handwriting. She knew just by looking at it that it wasn't firm business, it was personal. Harvey would never use his own stationary if it was related to a client. Grabbing the envelope, she shoved it into her bag to deal with later. She didn't know what was inside, but if she had to guess it was probably tickets to a show, or something like that - another one of his attempts to buy her forgiveness.

* * *

It wasn't until later that night, after a couple glasses of wine, that Donna remembered the envelope from Harvey buried in her purse. She figured she should open it and deal with whatever feeble attempt of an apology was stashed inside before she had to see him face to face.

She opened the envelope and instead of tickets or something similar, she pulled out what looked like a handwritten letter. She put the letter down on the coffee table and moved into the kitchen and grabbed the bottle of wine she'd already made a dent in that evening. Pouring herself another glass, she grabbed Harvey's letter and curled up in the corner of her couch.

Donna,

You've just left, and honestly, I'm at a loss for words. I've seen you upset and scared before, but I've never seen you so distraught, so down on yourself. Seeing you like that, and knowing that I was somehow responsible broke my heart. Donna, all I want is for you to be happy, hell, I'd do anything, be anything you need to make you happy.

I wasn't honest with you because I thought you didn't want to hear what I had to say, thought you were better off not knowing because you didn't feel the same way. I've spent too long using you as my emotional crutch that I didn't want to burden you with my tangled web of feelings, so I kept them to myself and did my best to process them on my own. But now that I know you lied about the kiss, I want you to know the truth. It's what you deserve.

Donna, I think you're the most remarkable woman I've ever met. I know I've told you that before but now I know how I mean it, how I've always meant it, really. You're my best friend Donna and you know me better than anyone else ever could; you make me laugh, you challenge me, and you push me to become a better man - inside and outside the office. And you've done this every single day since the day we met. I can't imagine any part of the last fifteen years of my life without you by my side - and I really don't mean just in the office. You've made every part of my life better, and you've done it just by being you.

I also need to be honest and tell you that I lied too, when I said I didn't want more. I do want more - I want everything, and I want it with you. A whole life with you, loving you in all the ways I haven't let myself over the past fifteen years. Because I do, Donna, I do love you. I've loved you for longer than I knew, but when you kissed me, I realized that you and me, we fit. I know this now, and I'm finally in a place where it doesn't completely scare me. Where I feel like I can be the person that you deserve to be with.

I know you're with someone else, and I know this letter might not change that, but I want you to have the whole story. I want you to know how much I love you; I love everything about you - even the things that I find annoying. How you change out the full bottle of scotch in my office for the slightly less full one in yours and think I won't notice, your ridiculous organization systems that make sense to no one but you. But most of all, I love you because of who you are; to me and everyone else. You make the world a better place simply by being you, and I can't tell you how lucky I am to be able to know and love you.

I found this picture last year when I moved back into my office, and I've been waiting for the right time to share it with you, and this feels like the time. Every time I look at this picture, I smile, because I love who we were back then. We've always been a team, you and I, but here, the stakes were lower - we were just a senior associate and his girl Friday and we enjoyed each other's company so freely. I want that to be us again, free to laugh and drink and flirt with one another - free to lean into and pursue our feelings.

I hope my words are helpful to you, Donna, and I'm so sorry I didn't have the courage to say them sooner.

* * *

Donna reached into the envelope again and pulled out the photo, a smile spreading across her face and tears prickling in her eyes as she looked at it. It was taken years ago at their first Christmas party at the firm. It was a complete candid, neither looking nor aware that their photo was being taken. They were standing facing one another, deep in conversation - probably joking about something given the wide smiles stretched across both of their faces. Her hand was resting on his elbow and he was leaning into her slightly. Looking at them, she understood what Harvey was saying - they fit, they always have, and she knew that. But seeing her younger self so clearly relaxed and enjoying his company made her fully understand what people had been saying for years. Why, when they travelled together for work people assumed they were a couple. She'd spent so long brushing it off, joking that people see what they want to see, because she was too scared to admit it was there, too hesitant to open herself to those feelings she'd kept guarded because she thought he didn't feel the same. But, she smiled as she looked down at the picture again, now that she knew how he felt, it was time to let herself feel everything.

Tears in her eyes, she read his letter again and again, needing to be sure the words she'd seen were actually there and she didn't just imagine them. The longer she sat with the letter, the more her emotions bounced all over the place. One read, her heart was bursting with love for this man who, infuriating as he was, had _finally_ said all the things she'd been waiting to hear. The next read, though, she found herself frustrated; frustrated that he'd written it all down, rather than telling it to her in person. She knew why he did it, though. This was what he did when he needed to organize and articulate his thoughts - he'd done it before difficult opening and closing statements, before he went to make things right with his mom - times when what he said was more important than how he said it. She wanted to give him a hard time for taking the easy way out, but deep down, she knew she couldn't.

She was lifted from her thoughts by a soft knocking on her door. As she got up from the couch and moved to answer it, she thought about how, if it was Harvey on the other side, it'd be a scene straight out of a Hallmark Movie; him coming to her door minutes after she'd finished reading his letter. When she opened the door though, she was a bit disappointed to find that it wasn't Harvey, but both of her sisters.

"Grace, Claire," she said, stepping to the side as they entered her apartment. "What are you doing here?"

The trio moved into the kitchen and Donna couldn't help but smile as she noticed Grace was carrying a take out bag from her favorite Thai restaurant. Placing the bag on the counter as Claire rummaged through the cabinets for plates, Grace looked at her sister and smiled.

"Elaine called, she said you could use the company."

That made Donna smile. She couldn't be older than 25, but Donna saw so much of herself in her young assistant. She must have seen Harvey enter her office and place the letter on her desk that morning and that, coupled with the fact that Donna hadn't hid her exaustion from her, made her call her sisters. It was exactly the kind of thing Donna would do, and it made her smile knowing that Elaine was always looking out for her.

"So," Claire began as she unpacked the takeout and scooped some Pad Thai onto her plate, "what's happening, Dee?"

Donna sighed as opened another bottle of wine and filled her sister's glasses, she figured it was better to rip the band-aid off. She knew she had to tell them what happened over the weekend, better to just cut to the chase, she thought.

"James broke up with me," she said simply, ripping off a piece of bread, dunking it in the curry in front of her, and popping it into her mouth.

Hearing Donna's confession, Grace and Claire exchanged glances not quite sure what to say, especially given how camly she'd said it.

"Dee-," Claire began delicately, "are you alright?"

"Oh, yeah," Donna said, doing her best to sound calm and nonchalant about it. Because, all things considered, she really wasn't _that_ upset about it. "I'm sad, of course, but also relieved to not have been the one to do the breaking up. Does that make sense?"

Grace sighed and thought back to all the conversations they'd had about James in recent weeks. "Yeah, I guess so," she admitted, "but are you sure you're ok?"

Donna smiled and looked up at both her sisters sitting across from her. She thought, not for the first time in recent weeks, how lucky she was to have both of them. They truly were her bridge over troubled water, and she could not imagine navigating this situation, or anything really, without them by her side.

"I will be," she said, "it's for the best really."

"But," Claire started, "what about Harvey?"

"Oh that," Donna said, rolling her eyes slightly but unable to hide the small smile that spread across her face, "hold on."

Her sisters both noticed her little smile and looked at one another as she hopped off her stool in the kitchen and quickly went into the living room. In a second, she was back and placed the letter from Harvey infront of them.

"Read it," she said, gesturing to the piece of paper on the counter.

When they finished, Donna gave them a rundown of everything that had happened in the past 48 hours; the party at the firm, James' questions, and her breakdown in Harvey's apartment. She told them how, when James had come over the day before to end things, she realized it really _was_ for the best. It wasn't at all fair to him to trap him in a relationship where he was giving much more than he was receiving. How, if she really thought about it, the situation with her and James wasn't all too different than her and Harvey; one person loving the other more than they ever could expect to be loved in return. At least that was what she'd thought until she'd read Harvey's letter that evening. How, despite her residual frustration at his delivery, she had to admit that reading those words made her happier than she'd been in awhile.

As she finished, Claire reached across the counter and grabbed Donna's hand, a smile spreading across her face, so relieved to see her sister beginning to lift out of the cloud of misery that had surrounded her for the past couple months. "So," she said, "what's next?"

"I want to see him. I want to tell him I love him too. I want to kiss him, and hold him, and honestly I never want to let go. But -"

As she paused, both of her sisters groaned and rolled their eyes, sure she was about to talk herself out of what she'd just said she wanted to do.

"He has a big trial this week," Donna said, finishing her thought. "He has his whole trial routine, and I don't want to disrupt that or throw him off his game. I figured I'd go see him on Friday?"

Claire sighed and smiled, always impressed by her sister's ability to put other people's needs above her own, regardless of how much she may want to act immediately. "That's fine, Donna, but you should at least let him know you read the letter and want to see him when the trial is over."

"You think?" she asked.

"Dee, of course!" Grace said, jumping in. "Imagine how much he probably had to talk himself into leaving that letter on your desk this morning. The poor man is probably pacing his apartment as we speak trying to figure out how you're reacting to it, wondering if you've even read it at all."

"Yeah, you're probably right."

Neither of her sisters said anything, both glancing expectantly down to her phone sitting beside her on the counter and back up to her.

"You want me to do it now? With both of you listening?"

Still not saying anything, Claire reached for Donna's phone and handed it to her, giving her big sister a "cut the bullshit" look as she did.

Rolling her eyes, Donna grabbed the phone and dialed Harvey's all too familiar number.

She strummed her fingers on the counter as she waited for him to pick up. As the phone continued to ring though, a part of her hoped he wouldn't answer, since she wasn't entirely sure what she wanted to say to him. But in the back of her mind, she knew he would, he'd never not answered her call and she knew he wasn't going to start that now.

"Donna - hi."

"Harvey, hi," she paused, taking a quick breath, "how was court today?"

"Donna, did you really call me to ask about court?" his slightly exasperated tone matching her sisters' facial expression.

"No," she admitted, "I didn't. I wanted to tell you -" she paused, suddenly feeling anxious for some reason, she looked across to her sisters, who urged her to keep talking, "um, I got your letter, and I read it. Thank you."

Harvey paused for a minute before continuing, without being able to see Donna's expression he wasn't able to tell for sure how she was feeling. "Is that a good kind of thank you?" he asked.

"Yes, it's a good kind of thank you," she laughed, a huge grin spreading across her face.

"Good," he replied, and she could practically hear the grin she was sure was on his face.

"Harvey? Can I see you later this week, when your trial is over?"

"Are you still -"

She interrupted him, knowing what he as asking, and why he was asking it, she cut in before he could finish, not wanting to focus on the obstacles that had once stood in their way. "No, that's done," she said simply, not giving any detail, and knowing he wouldn't ask.

"Friday," he said, "come over and I'll make you dinner."

"You cook?" she asked, jokingly, never one to pass up an opportunity to poke fun at him.

"Always the tone of surprise," he said, and this time, she was sure she could hear the eye roll that accompanied his statement.

"Friday's perfect," she said as she felt a slight blush rise on her cheeks. She looked down and started fiddling with the stem of her wine glass.

He stayed silent for a few seconds, giving her space to keep talking if she wanted to. Right now, he really didn't need to hear anything else from her, he was just so relieved that she'd read what he'd written and wasn't calling him to yell at or confront him about it. He knew that all that needed to be said would be said on Friday, and for that, he couldn't wait.

"Harvey?" she asked, breaking their couple seconds of comfortable silence.

"Mhmmm?"

"Thank you," she said sincerely, before ending the call. What she really wanted to tell him was that she loved him too, of course she loved him. But, she wanted to say it in person, wanted to see how he reacted when she said it for the first time. She couldn't wait to see him on Friday, but for now, she could relax in the knowledge that they were finally headed in the same direction.

Looking up again, she couldn't help but laugh at her sisters' expressions, both of them were resting their elbows on the counter and leaning forward, almost begging her to rehash the conversation she'd just had.

Rolling her eyes, she took a sip of wine before responding, "oh come on. It's not like you didn't just hear every word of that."

Ignoring her, Claire topped off her glass of wine and turned back to Donna, an all too familiar smirk spreading across her face. "So," she started, eyes laser focused on her sister, "what are you going to wear on Friday?"

"Oh that doesn't matter," Grace said, dismissing Claire's comment with a flick of her hand, "what's really important here is what she's wearing underneath."

"Gigi!" Donna gasped in mock horror as Claire choked on the sip of wine she'd just taken.

Looking back at her sister, Claire smiled, "you know, she does have a point."

Standing up and dumping the remnants of their takeout in the trash, Donna smiled back at her two sisters. "I have an idea," she said, pausing for dramatic effect, "for _both_. Let me show you."

With that, Claire and Grace hopped off their bar stools, glasses of wine in hand, and followed Donna to her closet.

Later that night, as the trio stood in front of Donna's door saying goodnight, she pulled both of them into a tight hug. When they fell apart, Claire looked up at her, a smile on her face and head tilted slightly to one side.

"What was that for?"

"Just," Donna paused, looking back and forth between them, "thank you. For everything these last several weeks. I really wouldn't have made it without you."

"Oh Dee," Grace said, reaching out to stroke her arm, "we're always here for you, you know that."

"I do" she said, giving both of their hands a squeeze. "One more thing?"

"Anything," Grace said.

"Please don't let me talk myself out of going to Harvey's on Friday."

"Wouldn't dream of it," Claire replied, as she reached up and gave Donna a kiss on the cheek.

* * *

The rest of the week passed excruciating slowly, as Donna often found was the case when she was looking forward to weekend plans. She tried her best to distract herself with work, but all it took was a glance at Harvey's empty office and her thoughts would wander to their Friday night plans. She was nervous, no getting around that, and in moments of doubt, her anxiety would remind her of the thousand and one ways things could go wrong, but she brushed all that aside, instead choosing to focus on all the ways it could go right. She'd spent years training herself not to get her hopes up when it came to Harvey, to take everything at face value and not overthink, but because of the bold declarations in his letter, she was finally allowing herself to do just that, to be hopeful about a life and future with Harvey.

She'd spoken to him here and there throughout the week, but their conversations had been strictly business. Whether or not it was a conscious decision on both their parts, she wasn't sure, but she also didn't mind, knowing that personal conversations would only distract her further. She also found herself missing him more than she'd remembered. He'd travelled without her and been away at trial before, but she never remembered a time when she longed for his physical presence in the office quite like this. It was a welcome surprise and that, coupled with the anticipation of Friday night, made her practically giddy and it was something people in the office took note of.

"Donna," Elaine said, smiling at her and passing her a cup of coffee as she arrived at the office one morning. "You look ravishing today."

Donna smiled back at her as she took the coffee and rested her elbows on the top of the cubicle. "Oh come on now," she said in between sips, "you know I've told you that flattery will get you - everywhere," she finished with a wink.

"So," Elaine said, leaning forward slightly, "what's the cause for the good mood? It wouldn't have anything to do with that letter Mr. Specter left you, would it?" she finished, cocking her head to the side as a small smirk spread across her face.

Donna didn't reply right away, looking down at her assistant with a slightly surprised look on her face. "How do you -"

"Oh come on Donna," she started, rolling her eyes, "I've sat outside your office for almost three years, I pay attention."

"You know what," Donna said, "it just might," smiling and turning into her office.

As she walked away, Elaine smiled to herself. When she started outside Donna's office, she'd heard all sorts of rumors from the associates and other secretaries about what was going on between Donna and Harvey. But, she quickly learned, as she watched the pair interact, those nasty rumors couldn't be farther from the truth. She didn't know the specifics, and would never ask, but she hoped that the letter Harvey left her would lead to the happiness Donna always told her to chase after for herself.

* * *

 _Finally_ Friday evening arrived, and as Donna climbed out of her cab in front of Harvey's apartment, she let out a long exhale. Grace and Claire had come over as she was getting ready and, despite her half hearted argument against it, she was glad they did. As they sat on the floor of her closet while she did her makeup, she couldn't help but remember countless times years ago when they found themselves in similar positions, one getting ready for a date or event and the other two providing distraction and mindless conversation. As the trio discussed potential summer travel plans, Donna felt herself relax. Despite the excitement and anticipation she'd been feeling all week, as the evening ticked closer she found herself growing anxious. What they were about to do was a big deal, and she wanted it, _needed_ it to go well. She didn't know how she'd recover if it didn't.

As she approached his door, she reminded herself that she couldn't kiss him right away, despite the teenage-like hormones bubbling inside of her. There were still things they needed to discuss; things she needed to say, and things she needed to hear. She knocked twice and within seconds, the door swung open.

"Donna," he said, gesturing for her to come inside, a wide grin spreading across his face.

"Harvey," she replied as she took a couple steps toward him, a matching smile spreading across her own.

They stood silently in the entryway for several seconds, eyes locked on one another and hands dancing at their sides, both longing to touch the other, but both still a little scared to completely break down that wall and make the first move.

Finally, Donna laughed and broke the silence, she looked up at Harvey, eyes almost begging him to say something.

"Are you -," he paused, taking a small step towards her.

"Nervous?" she replied, and he nodded, moving his gaze downward slightly.

"Me too," she said, taking another step towards him as he looked back up at her, breathing out a laugh.

"Harvey," she started, taking a deep breath. She knew that what she was about to ask him would set the tone for the rest of the evening - their whole lives, maybe - and that made her anxious, but she knew that before things could go any father, she needed to hear it. "I know you said it in your letter, but I need to hear it. Because if you can't say it out loud, then -"

Interrupting her, he finally closed the distance between them. They were standing so close that their toes where practically touching, and she could feel his breath on her lips, which sent a shiver down her arms. He lifted his hand to tuck a stray strand of hair behind her ear, his fingers lingering on her cheek before moving to trace her jawline and chin. Her breath hitched as his eyes met her own.

"Donna, I love you," he said simply, "I'm _in love_ with you, Donna, and if you'll let me, I'd like to spend the rest of my life showing you just how much I love you."

Donna felt a smile stretch across her face as tears pricked her eyes. Reading those words was one thing, but hearing him say them to her, while standing close enough to kiss her, was something else entirely. It overwhelmed her; the fact that she could feel so much for one person.

"Well," she started, as she moved her arms from her sides to rest on his shoulders, "that's really great to hear because I love you too. _Of course,_ I love you, Harvey."

She knew hearing her say that would bring a smile to his face, but she underestimated just how broad it'd be. The grin that spread across his face stretched all the way up to his eyes, making the corners crinkle slightly. Seeing him smile like that almost made everything they'd been through to get to this moment worth it. As she looked into his eyes, an equally large grin no doubt spread across her own face, she couldn't help the couple of tears that escaped.

Almost immediately, his thumb was on her cheek wiping them away as his other hand snaked around her waist and pulled her closer. Her hands moved to the back of his neck and she ran her fingers through his short hairs.

"Why are you crying?" he asked, his eyes never breaking their gaze.

"I'm just - I can't believe this is happening," she replied as his forehead came to rest on hers.

"What took us so long?" he asked, tracing circles on her sides with his thumbs.

"For two smart people, we can be pretty stubborn," she said, rising on her toes slightly so her lips were level with his.

"I couldn't agree more."

And before she could even think of a response, his lips were on hers, his arms holding her close to him - one hand tightly around her waist and the other moving across the back of her neck and into her hair. She leaned into him, pressing her body against his and opening her mouth to him as he bit her bottom lip. The kiss felt familiar but at the same time entirely new. Their kisses years ago had been driven by lust and a means to an end, their kiss in her office months ago was hesitant and tense. This kiss though, this kiss felt like freedom. It was fueled by an emotional need just as much as a physical one and, as his hands explored her body and his tongue explored her mouth, she felt whole; for the first time in a long time, she knew that this was where she was meant to be.

They were still in the entryway of his apartment and she felt him move, backing her up against his door. His hands moved from her body and his palms came to rest against the door on either side of her face. Her hands moved from the back of his neck, one in the middle of his back and the other around his waist, pulling him even closer to him. As the kiss continued, the rest of the world fell away and all that existed was Harvey; the feeling of his mouth on her own, his body pressing against where she needed him most.

Breaking apart only because their lungs demanded oxygen, they locked eyes and smiled at each other. Donna's hands returned to the back of his neck and his found her waist. She brought her forehead to rest against his and let out a breathy laugh.

"Well that was -," he started, letting out a small laugh that mirrored her own.

"Wow," she finished.

"We really are idiots," he said, which made her laugh again.

She didn't respond, instead smiling at him again and moving her hand to trace his hairline on his forehead. He really is annoyingly handsome, she thought, as she studied his facial expression. He looked more relaxed than he had in awhile and it made her heart swell that she, _this,_ was the cause of that.

"What do you say we skip dinner and continue this in the bedroom?" he asked, leaning closer to whisper in her ear, his five-o'clock shadow brushing her cheek.

"Oh Mr. Specter," she said, moving her hands to his shoulders and down his chest, "you should know I don't put out on a first date. At least," she paused, smirking at him, "not until after a couple glasses of wine."

"Oh, so this is a date?" he asked, feigning surprise.

"Unless you mean to tell me you kiss everyone who comes to your apartment like that," she shot back, without missing a beat.

She watched with amusement as his expression became more serious, his hand finding hers as he led her farther into the apartment. "Only you," he replied, his voice soft and affectionate.

As they ate, they fell into easy conversation. Gone was the need for awkward first date conversations about families, hometowns, and careers because they _knew_ each other. They knew each other better than anyone in the world, that trust and affection was already there. Instead of focusing on getting to know one another, they could focus on enjoying each other's company, finally allowing themselves to be happy now that the one thing they've always wanted was sitting right across from them.

While they were finishing, though, Donna fell silent. Harvey could tell from her facial expression that she was thinking about something, and working to find the right words to articulate what she was feeling. He reached across the counter and rested his hand on top of hers, which pulled her out of her thoughts.

"What's going on in that head of yours?" he asked

She looked up at him, a reluctant smile spreading across her face, "I'm scared, Harvey," she said, her voice quiet and tentative.

"Of what?"

"This, us," she said "what if this doesn't work out? I don't know what I'd do if I lost you."

He couldn't help but smile at her response, knowing full well what it felt like to feel what she was feeling.

"You don't think I'm scared too, Donna? Losing you or you leaving me has been my biggest fear since the day I met you," he admitted, looking down at his hands. "That's why it took me so long to tell you I love you, because I was afraid it'd drive you away, or that it wouldn't and we'd get together for a bit only for me to ruin it and end up losing you forever."

As he finished, he moved to her side of the counter and sat next to her, turning her stool to face him. He wiped away a stray tear that had fallen down her cheek and lifted her chin so that her eyes meet his. He pressed a quick kiss against her lips, hoping that his actions would help her understand how much he wanted, _needed,_ her to know that he was in this.

"Promise me something?" she asked, her hands coming to rest on his knees.

"Anything."

"Promise me that you'll never leave," she said, her tone both serious and insecure.

"Only if you promise the same," he said, focusing his gaze on her.

"And," she continued, looking up at him again, "that you'll love me even when you're annoyed at me."

That made him smile, and he moved closer to kiss her on the forehead, "I'll love you no matter what," he said, "how does that sound?"

"Perfect," she breathed, a smile spreading across her face.

They sat in silence for a couple seconds, already feeling more secure in their new situation. Donna was impressed with his response, since when had he been the one to navigate them through an emotional challenge, she thought, and it made her smile. They were ready for this, they could make it work, she was sure of that.

She stood in front of him, his legs on either side of her as her hands came to rest on his shoulders. "If you're not careful Mr. Specter, you might just become the perfect boyfriend," she said.

"Boyfriend?" he asked, smirking and turning his head to the side slightly.

"Boyfriend," she confirmed, before bringing her lips to his.

* * *

After dessert and another glass of wine he took hold of her and led her to his bedroom. She couldn't help the anticipation that bubbled up inside of her - for all the times she'd been to his apartment, this was one place she'd never been. He kissed her with purpose as he sat her down on the edge of his bed, hands moving to undo the tie of her wrap dress. Her hands loosened his tie and undid the top buttons of his dress shirt as he shifted them into the center of the bed. They continued to undress one another and Donna could feel her heart beating harder and harder in her chest as her hands ran up and down his body.

He moved on top of her, knees resting on the bed between her spread legs and hands on the pillow on either side of her face, her own running up and down his arms. They broke their kiss and looked into each other's eyes, both swimming with so much love it was overwhelming. Despite the fact that they'd known each other for years, they'd never known each other _like this_ \- save for one lust-filled night a lifetime ago. This type of intimacy was new, it was delicate, and as much as Donna wanted him hard and fast and hot, she knew there'd be time for that later. Right now, she wanted him slowly and tenderly. As he _finally_ pushed into her, her body responded, putting more love and adoration into each movement than she'd ever be able to put into words.

* * *

The next morning, Donna woke with a smile on her face, warmth flooding over her as she remembered the events of the previous evening. Harvey's hand was draped across her stomach, and as she rolled over to face him she felt him shift slightly. He was still asleep and she took the opportunity to study his features. She smiled at how peaceful and relaxed he looked in his sleep, free of his usual furrowed brow and clenched jaw. She ran her fingers across his brow bone, down his cheek, and along his jaw line. As she traced his lips with her thumb, she felt him respond with a soft kiss.

"Good morning," she mumbled as his eyes flutter open.

"It sure is," he responded, as he moved the hand that wasn't resting on her waist over her head to smooth her hair. She brought her lips to his and smiled against his skin when she broke the kiss, feeling warm, and happy, and so lucky to be waking up in his arms.

He kissed her again, more intently this time, pulling her closer and hooking one leg over hers. She ran her hands over his bare chest and down his arms as he rolled them over so she was on top of him. He groaned against her lips as the phone on the nightstand started to ring. Blindly, he reached for the offending object, figuring that it was Katrina calling with an update on the trial.

"Hello," he said, extremely unenthusiastically.

Donna smiled at him as his eyes grew wide when he was greeted by a female voice on the other end that definitely wasn't Katrina's.

"Harvey," Claire said, feigning shock, " _what_ a surprise."

Donna rolled her eyes, hearing her sister's voice and realizing that Harvey had picked up her phone. She motioned for him to give it to her as she rolled off his lap and landed by his side.

"Claire," she said, slightly exasperated, "what can I do for you?"

"Well," her sister answered smartly, "you can start by telling me why Harvey answered your phone."

Before Donna could think of an equally witty response, she heard rustling in the background and could only assume it was Grace.

"Oh," her older sister replied, "Did Harvey answer? You owe me twenty bucks," she finished gleefully.

"You placed a _bet?"_ Donna asked, breathing out a laugh at how ridiculous her sisters could be.

"It was Claire's idea," Craig said, joining the conversation and throwing his wife under the bus. Donna couldn't help but smile as she pictured them gathered around the island in Claire's kitchen.

"Don't lie," Claire shot back, "you bet they wouldn't answer the phone at all!"

"I hate you all," Donna replied as Harvey, growing impatient, started planting kisses down her neck and across her clavicle. "I'm hanging up now."

"Use protection!" Grace and Claire screamed in unison seconds before Donna hung up, the phone falling to the carpet next to the bed.

Harvey looked down at her and smiled as his hands moved up and down the side of her body. "Why am I not surprised that they knew you'd be here?" he asked, joining her hands with his.

"You know we're close," she said, returning his smile as she cuddled her back against his chest, finding her place as his little spoon.

"I do," he replied, "three redheads for the price of one," he joked as he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer to him.

"Is that ok?" she asked, turning her head slightly to look at him as her hands moved up and down his arms.

"As long as they stay out of the bedroom," he said as he turned her towards him, planting kisses down her neck and across her chest before eventually finding her lips as she nodding in reply.

* * *

They'd moved into his living room and Donna came to join him on the couch, passing him a cup of coffee while taking a sip of her own. She sat down next to him, legs draped over his lap.

"So, she started, placing her mug on the coffee table, "how is this going to work?" She asked, gesturing between them.

"Pretty sure we covered that last night _and_ this morning," he said smirking at her as he ran his hands higher on his legs, "but I can show you again if you need some further clarification."

Rolling her eyes, she playfully swatted his hand away. "That is _not_ what I meant," she said, laughing. "I mean you and I, together - at work."

Harvey paushed, realizing that she was asking a serious question, one that she, no doubt, had already given some thought to. He grabbed her hands and pulled her towards him, settling her against his side and wrapped his arm around her shoulder, drawing her closer to him.

"How do you want it to work?" he asked.

"I don't want to hide it," she decided, looking up at him to see if he agreed. "I mean, we don't need to send out a firm-wide email about it," she joked, "but if we're together, I want us to be together at work too."

"Really?" he asked, unable to hide his excitement at her answer as a grin spread across his face.

"Really," she replied, "I've spent too long hiding from it myself, I don't want to keep it from our friends now that we're happy. As long as you can keep things PG," she smirked at him, "I don't see why it should be an issue."

"I make no promises," he whispered into his ear as he turned her face towards his, intent on placing a kiss on her lips.

"But -," she interrupted, "I want to be the one to handle it if people have problems, it has to be me," she finished.

Harvey looked at her and ran a hand down her arm, "what kind of problems?"

"Oh, come on Harvey," she said, sitting straight up and folding her legs in front of her like a pretzel, still facing him, "you know it's not just Hardman and Malik that have insinuated the worst about us, we've always been front page news to the secretaries and associates," she explained.

Harvey sighed, wanting to interject, but also not knowing exactly what to say. He knew she was right, but that didn't mean it didn't bother him; all the gossip, rumors, nasty comments - they pissed him off, but he knew how he felt about them was just the tip of the iceberg compared to how they made Donna feel.

"I _hate_ that I'm the only one negatively affected by this crap, and I know you get that. But because of that, I need to be the one to shut it down because if you step in and try and defend me, it just furthers their point. Can you let me do that?" She asked, looking up at him expectantly.

He smiled at her in return, placing a kiss to her forehead. "Gladly," he said, understanding how important this was to her, "I'll gladly stand back and watch you chop the balls off some poor, unsuspecting associate who dared question your power."

"Like I said," she started, smiling and planting a quick kiss to his lips, "perfect boyfriend."

He smiled back at her but didn't respond, content to just sit together in comfortable silence. He felt her shift beside him on the couch, her back coming to rest against his chest, her head falling in the crook of his neck. He planted a kiss to her head and wrapped his arms around her as she moved to hold his hands.

As they sat, Donna's mind wandered to everything that had happened over the past 24 hours that led them to this moment. She had anticipated some sort of transition period from where they used to where they were now, but there wasn't. There was no awkwardness or discomfort, just the two of them navigating something new and exciting together and the immediate comfort they found in one another made her happier than she could ever put into words. Sitting on his couch with his arms around her she knew, unequivocally, that Harvey had been right, they just _fit._ And they were damn fools for taking so long to realize it.

Because now, she was finally able to admit, it's always been him.

Harvey.

* * *

 _Years ago when they'd been planning Grace's wedding, she'd suggested they do what Rachel, Monica, and Phoebe had done in Friends - rotating so each of them got to be a maid of honor once. Claire agreed, but Donna, nervous that she'd never marry and would deny one of her sisters the chance to be maid of honor, suggested an alternative. They'd each choose someone else, with the understanding that the other two would deliver the wedding day speech typically reserved for the maid of honor._

 _And that's what they did, Grace chose a childhood friend and Claire chose her college roommate, and at each reception, Donna and her sister had delivered a maid of honor speech that was equal parts heartfelt and hilarious._

 _When Donna and Harvey got married, Rachel was her obvious choice for maid of honor, which she'd eagerly accepted. Grace's twins, now seven, served as flower girl and ring bearer with Grace's younger son and Claire's daughter Hannah helping them both._

 _Their wedding was a small, but extravagant affair at the New York Public Library, and every detail was the perfect blend of Donna and Harvey - from the monochrome decor with pops of jewel tones to the scotch cocktails inspired by Shakespeare's sonnets. Everyone in attendance knew how long the couple had been building to the moment, not just in the last two years they'd spent together - but every day since the day they'd met. The happiness at the reception was infectious as people watched Harvey and Donna move around the room, joyfully interacting with their guests but never losing hold of one another._

 _When the time came, Grace and Claire delivered on their promise to give a speech that was both fun and heartfelt._

" _For those of you who've been lucky enough to spend time with my sisters and I together," Grace began, "I'm sure you know we're a force to be reckoned with."_

" _Something Harvey learned early the morning after he and our sister got together, Claire added with a laugh - both Donna and Harvey smiling at the memory._

" _Don't worry, Harvey," Claire continued, "we know our husbands are both excited to welcome you to the family, and give you some pointers on how to handle the Paulsen women."_

" _Actually," Grace interjected," Harvey and Donna have known each other longer than we've both been married, so maybe he can give you some pointers," she finished, gesturing to their husbands._

" _In all seriousness, though," Claire said, "this day has been a long time coming, and Harvey - we are so excited to have you officially join the family. You've made Dee happier than we've ever seen her and for that alone, we'll always love you."_

" _Watching Harvey and Donna over the years," Grace added, "I've learned a lot about love; how to love someone unconditionally, how to love someone even when you don't like them, how to put someone else's needs above your own. They're two halves of a whole and it's so lovely to see how deeply they care about one another."_

" _Theirs is a love that grows stronger every day," Claire said, smiling as she watched Donna wipe a tear from her eye, "and I think I speak for both Gigi and I when I say I feel so lucky to be able to witness it continue to grow; even bigger, I'm sure, when they become parents," Claire joked, which made Donna smile and roll her eyes. "You know, you're not getting any younger and Hannah's getting tired of being the baby," Claire ended with a smirk._

" _So here's to our sister Dee, and her new husband Harvey," Grace said. "Harvey, may you continue to love her - and tolerate us - even when all of our red hair starts turning grey."_

" _Will you really still love me when my red hair turns grey?" Donna whispered to him as her sisters raised their glasses to toast the couple._

" _I'll love you even more than I do now," he confirmed with a kiss to the top of her head._

* * *

 _ **A/N: As always, please leave a review and let me know what you think. Thanks for taking this little journey with Harvey, Donna, Grace, and Claire. I've gotta admit, I'll miss writing those Paulsen sisters - who knows, we may see them again ;)**_


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